Let’s start the new year off with a topic I’ve talked about numerous times. What does it mean to love your body and who you are? We’re wired for the negative, and it’s almost instinctual: Every morning, when you start your day, that negative dialogue kicks in. “I’m old, my body aches. I hate my job, my house, my neighbors, my life…” Okay, a little drastic, but you get the point. That dialogue happens because you have unmet needs. Maybe you weren’t loved or celebrated enough as a child. Maybe you weren’t appreciated or understood. Then there’s the big issue, which is the belief that you need someone else to meet your needs. How many of you remember having gone out into the world believing someone else is going to fix you, be it a partner or even a child?
I can’t count the number of times my family and friends have said over the years, and even recently, that when I meet the right guy, I’ll have everything. Some people are told that if they find that right guy or girl, they’ll be understood or complete. That is total, absolute garbage! What you’re doing is saying to the world, “Here is my problem. Can you fix it for me?” The world can’t fix your problems, though. Only you can fix them. Others can help you, but what you need to understand first is that while we need others to meet our needs as children, as adults we have to meet our own needs. All those needs that weren’t met when you were a child are no one’s responsibility but yours now.
Many of you have heard the saying “You can fix everything by just falling in love with yourself,” but how many of you have said, “I don’t know what that means”? Falling in love with yourself, believing in yourself, loving your body, understanding that you’re worthy of loving and of being loved, may seem daunting to some and a no-brainer to others. One of the ways to do this is to change your thoughts—and even your passwords! I’ve talked about this before in many other blogs, about telling yourself you’re loveable and worth it. You know the “I ams”? If you write something out every day, your mind starts to believe it.
When you first start doing this exercise every morning, your mind will likely slap you down with something like “You’re loveable, seriously? You wear a size XXL.” But if you keep writing it every day, practicing repetition, using the 66-day protocol, it will become automatic. What happens is that you rewire your brain, and these positive statements become your reality. You’re the only person who can shape yourself with what you think about yourself, what you say about yourself.
This leads us to passwords. Everyone has passwords, for your banking card, your computer, your phone. Now make them for yourself: “I am loveable,” “I am perfect.” It’s easy. You use passwords every day, so make them work for you. Some people say these are affirmations, but I seriously never got that idea and have never found it workable. What you’re doing is making statements of truth about yourself every day until your mind lets them in and starts to believe them. If your skin is dry, you slap on some lotion, and it sinks in and softens your skin. Well, if you’re emotionally empty, slap on those great words over and over, every day, and let them sink in.
Praise yourself. There’s nothing like it. Maybe you’ve heard of people writing “I am enough” in lipstick on every mirror in the house. One tradesman told me that when he did this, his moody son cheered up and his menopausal wife got into herself again. Why the bathroom mirror? Because you see it every time you’re brushing your teeth, combing your hair, washing your hands… You can even put these statements on a magnet on your fridge, anywhere you’re going to see it, read it, say it, and start to believe it.
Our homes contain our energy. Think about it. If you go into a slaughterhouse, you pick up really bad energy. (Too graphic for you?) When you write positive statements every day, the energy goes in as you read them, say them, believe them. Our thoughts, our beliefs, and our unmet needs are all energy. You know those unmet needs that you carry around? Maybe you say to anyone and everyone, “Who is going to fix me?” YOU! You will fix yourself, not someone else. It’s not someone else’s job or responsibility to fix you. When you look for someone to fix you, you become that needy person no one wants around. How many of you have said, “Do I look okay?” “Was that okay?” “Are you sure?” Seriously, if you’re looking for everyone’s approval, that makes you needy. Stop doing it. Change it. Start saying, “I know I did a great job,” “I’m a great friend,” “I know we’re having an argument right now, but I still love you, and you still love me, and we’re good people.”
Here’s another one: Instead of talking badly about your kids or your parenting to everyone in the community, start saying, “I had a really bad day with my kid today because I was tired, but I’m a great parent.” You’re allowed to do that. Stop criticizing yourself. Instead, praise yourself, because then you grow, and the lovable energy around you grows, and people do notice, because you’re no longer the complainer who’s always criticizing and nagging everyone. You become the person about whom people say, “Oh, I really like them. They have such great positive energy.” So don’t look in the mirror and criticize yourself, like “Oh my God, you have bags under your eyes, your skin is blotchy, your hair’s a mess, and that T-shirt is way too tight. You’re a horrible person.” That is criticism. Instead, look in the mirror and say, “There you are! Love your smile. Hey, I love you.” It may sound cheesy, but you know what? No one is going to be standing there watching you or ridiculing you for doing it.
Figure out why you’re having a bad day, talk yourself out of it, and do not ever try to fix other people. Fix yourself! And remember, those who are trying to fix you and manage you are doing it because they don’t want to fix themselves. Fill yourself up with good thoughts and good beliefs, because when you stop filling yourself up with junk words, much like junk food, you start to realize you are worth more and deserve more. Many people try to fix the external because they can’t fix themselves. You can’t control the weather or what others are thinking, doing, and saying. You can control only your own thinking, and it will change your life.
Today, look at your passwords, at what you’re writing out every day. You know the “I ams”? Don’t write generic things like “Today is a beautiful day, the grass is green, the sun is out.” Make your passwords personal, about you, not about your partners, kids, or friends. Do this every day.
Imagine you’re that broken child who needs someone to love them, respect them, understand them, believe in them, praise them. That’s your job now, not your mom’s or dad’s. This is your mental self-care, and everyone needs to do this for themselves, because once you practice your mental self-care, it’s easy to take care of your physical self. You all know what that is: staying hydrated by drinking enough water in the day (not soda, not coffee, not tea—actual water), getting enough sleep, eating the right foods, looking after your body and moving it with exercise instead of lying on the sofa every night, stuffing your face with potato chips.
Stop saying, “No one ever loved me. I never had a birthday. I never got celebrated.” Stop saying it. Do it now for yourself. It’s not up to anyone to do it for you. Only you know what you didn’t hear, what you needed to hear. Maybe you heard your parents say your sister or brother was their favorite child, that you were a mistake and they wished you were never born, and maybe that hints at what you need to hear, so tell yourself that: “You’re the favorite.” Your mind will never question what you tell it, good or bad, true or false. It becomes your belief. So if you always say, “Our family never has money. No one in our family ever went to college or will amount to anything. We always have bad luck. Bad things always happen to me. I don’t deserve that promotion,” then guess what? You now believe it, and it is your reality, and it stays.Tell yourself great stuff and your life will become better. You’re an adult now, so change your energy. You’re not your weight, the number in your bank account, your salary, or your age. You’re absolutely loveable, because no one will believe it until you do. Tell yourself you’re not your childhood, your education. You are ready for so much success, because you are worth it.
This is the last week for I'll Always Love You new release sale!