The Monday Blog

Pick up YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING for 99cents!

To my Amazon customers:  Due to a scheduling glitch, my newest Friessens title, HOW TO HEAL A HEART, will be available on Amazon tomorrow, December 3rd.  My sincerest apologies for any inconvenience this glitch has caused and please know that Gabriel's story is on the way!  A very big thank you for your patience! 


99CENT SALE

Book 22 in The Friessens series is on sale for 99cents!

Up and coming hockey rookie Michael Friessen has everything going for him: a future few could hope for, parents who are his everything… He doesn’t want anything more until one weekend before he secures a spot with the Canucks, when he wakes up with a ring on his finger and the hottest, sexiest blonde sound asleep beside him.

He tries to tell himself it was a mistake, that he isn’t looking for a relationship, and despite everything about her, including the night he’s still trying to remember, he’s determined not to fall for her. But the closer they get, the deeper he falls—until he learns that the night they met may not have been accidental.

"This was such a heartfelt story filled with many twist and turns that really kept me glued to their story." ★★★★★ Judith T., Amazon Reviewer

YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING is on sale at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords through December 5th.



GET YOUR AUDIO ON 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync?  Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.


Don't forget to check out my eBookstore where there are more ways to save and be rewarded--from refer a friend, to share on social media for a 25% discount, to my new affiliate program! More of my books will be added soon, so be sure to check back often. 

Read More
The Monday Blog

It’s release day for HOW TO HEAL A HEART plus get your final sneak peek!

The newest addition to The Friessens series is here!  HOW TO HEAL A HEART, Book 32, is now available at all online retailers!

Gabriel Friessen can’t shake his growing unrest at the idea that his seemingly perfect life is nothing but a lie he’s spent a lifetime running away from.



Even though he loves his wife and step-daughter and has a family who loves him, he suspects that to move forward, he needs to close the door on his past—namely, on the man who is his father, his real father, who turned his back on his mother and left her alone and pregnant in what seemed to be another lifetime, before he was born.



Just getting on with things is no longer as easy as it has been all his life. Andy Friessen adopted him, gave him his name, raised him, and loved him, but part of Gabriel needs to face the man who turned his mother away. His mother has moved on, and his brothers and sisters would never understand, but Gabriel knows that to find the peace he needs, he must confront his biological father before he spirals any further into guilt and anger.


HOW TO HEAL A HEART (The Friessens, Book 32) is now available at all eRetailers:

AMAZON  I  NOOK   I   iBOOKS   I   KOBO   I   GOOGLE PLAY

And here's your final sneak peek of Chapter 5!

____

Chapter 5

The sun was just skimming the horizon, sending golds and yellows across the darkened sky. The snow-covered fields and the smoke from the chimney of his parents’ ranch house were both welcoming and a reminder of the rude reality of what he was about to do. He could see cattle in the distance, the barn doors were closed, and the lights in the loft were out. Jeremy, Tiffy, and his nephew, Brandon, were evidently still asleep. As he pulled up to the house, he could see the light from the kitchen and knew his mom and dad would be up.

Yeah, he’d wanted to come out the night before—ready to slay the dragon, so to speak. He’d been pissed off at his dad for telling him what he could and couldn’t do. Laura was his mom, yet he felt as if Andy had slapped him down and would do everything he could to keep her from him. It was a side of his dad he’d never seen before, and Andy had left him feeling much like an outsider. Of course, he couldn’t explain that to Elizabeth or even to himself, and maybe that was why, seeing his sleeping wife in bed as he left that morning, he’d had the shitty feeling that he was sneaking out.

He stepped out of the truck and closed the door, the sound echoing, then strode around the front of the truck, seeing his mom’s SUV buried under what he thought was a foot of snow. His ears were cold as he started to the house he’d grown up in, remembering Elizabeth’s panicked face and how she’d convinced him to leave it be the night before. One more person who would be angry with him.

The stairs and the wooden porch were free of snow, and he pulled at the screen door, hearing the soft squeak. He’d been expecting the inside door to be locked, but it opened. He was met with warmth and stamped his feet, knocking the snow off his boots, then stepped in to see his dad in the living room, crouched by the woodstove, shoving split wood into the roaring fire. Andy glanced back to him, then closed the door to the stove and stood up, wearing blue jeans and a black sweater. It appeared he’d just gotten up.

“You’re here early. Hope it’s not for what I think it is,” Andy said, walking his way, moving the way he did when he was getting ready for battle. Being on the wrong side of his father was not something he wanted.

Gabriel flicked his gaze down the hall, wondering if his mom was still in bed. Then he felt his dad’s hand on his shoulder.

“You had coffee yet?”

Not what he’d expected. “You know I don’t drink coffee, Dad.”

His dad patted his shoulder but didn’t smile as he walked into the kitchen. “No, but I do, and I can put the kettle on for you, at least. I’m sure your mom has some of that tasteless tea that you love.”

He just shrugged as his dad walked into the kitchen and reached for the kettle, then put it under the tap and plugged it in. While rinsing out the coffee carafe, he glanced back to Gabriel, who wasn’t sure what to make of the way his dad was looking at him.

“So what’s going on, son?” Andy said.

Gabriel was glad he hadn’t barreled out there the night before to raise holy hell and upset everyone. Maybe he should thank Elizabeth for that much. “I haven’t been sleeping, so I’m not exactly reacting to things the way I should. I wanted to drive out here last night,” he said.

His dad scooped coffee into a filter and turned on the coffee maker, then hesitated before he turned around and leaned against the counter. Of course, his expression wasn’t amused. “I see,” he said. “But, evidently, you came to your senses.”

No, that had been Elizabeth, who had chased after him in those ridiculous fuck-me heels, grabbing his arm with an alarmed expression before he could get out the front door. “No, my wife seemed to think sleeping on it and waiting for today was a much better idea.”

He didn’t agree, but he loved her, and here he was.

“Yes, well, Elizabeth called,” Andy said. “She woke up alone and was worried about what you would do, so I was expecting you.”

He wondered if the shock he was feeling showed. He didn’t like the feeling that his wife had called his dad behind his back. It seemed so wrong.

“And don’t go looking like that,” Andy said. “She’s worried because she feels she’s solely responsible for all of this because she encouraged you to figure out these unresolved feelings. She seems to be under the impression that you and I are headed for trouble—a rift, as she said.”

He dragged his hand over his face, hearing the scrape of whiskers, feeling the anger, the tension, wanting to snap at his wife for not staying out of it. “She shouldn’t have done that, called you,” Gabriel said. “She’s my wife.”

Maybe it was the way he said it, but his dad didn’t pull his gaze from him at first as the kettle whistled. Finally, he reached around and unplugged it, then opened the cupboard where Laura stashed all the tea. He pulled out a box and held it up. White tea, yeah, so Andy knew what he wanted.

“Sure,” was all Gabriel said.

Andy reached for a mug, tossed in a tea bag, and poured the kettle of boiled water overtop. It was something his mom would have done, yet here was his dad instead, seeming very much like a gatekeeper.

“She is your wife, but we’re family, Gabriel,” Andy said. “Elizabeth, as your wife, is part of this family. Whatever is going through your head, nothing is going to change that. We may not agree on things, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

His dad held out the steaming mug and didn’t pull his icy blue eyes from him. Gabriel could see so much of his dad in Jeremy, in Zac, just not in him. Even Sara and Chelsea had parts of Andy that he’d never have. He nodded and took the mug, and his dad reached for another from the cupboard and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“So you were expecting me, then.”

His dad took a swallow of the steaming coffee. “So to speak,” he replied. “Wasn’t sure which version of my son would be walking through the door. Look, Gabriel, I realize you’re struggling with something, and I’m sorry for not seeing it. Maybe I don’t understand why you would even give that man a second thought. Have I in any way ever made you feel as if you’re not truly my son?”

There it was.

“No, Dad, of course not, and it’s got nothing to do with that.” He just held the mug and stared down into the tea, then took in this house, this kitchen, the place where he’d grown up. If he shut his eyes, he could still remember the childlike joy he had felt as he looked up to Andy, but it was different for him than for his brothers and sisters. It was just something that had become more pronounced as of late.

“Well, then explain it to me so I can understand, so I can help you.”

He groaned. There Andy went, wanting to fix everything. “Dad, this isn’t something you can fix with just words. You can’t do anything about it. It’s just something I feel right here.” He tapped his chest and rested his mug on the kitchen island, leaning against it. “It’s got nothing to do with you, Jeremy, Chels, Sara, and Zac. It has everything to do with me and Mom.”

He heard a rustle and turned, seeing his mom standing there, pulling at the belt of her housecoat. Her hair was tousled from sleep, and she looked from him to Andy.

“Mom, I didn’t hear you…” Gabriel said.

Laura strode into the kitchen, her gaze lingering on him, confused, tired, before she dragged it over to his dad. It was the kind of look that said she’d heard something, but not everything. “Well, the two of you aren’t exactly quiet, but I suppose it was the phone that woke me half an hour ago and got your dad out of bed. So, what’s going on here?”

Andy reached for a mug and handed it to her. She touched his arm, and the intimacy lingered without words between them as she poured her coffee, then turned and leaned against the counter beside him. Gabriel didn’t have to look over to know his dad was ready to do everything he could to protect her.

“Come on, you two,” Laura said. “What’s going on? You were saying something, Gabriel, something that involves me but not your brothers and sisters. Does this have anything to do with how off you’ve been? We’ve all noticed, but we stayed out of it even though I wanted to pull you aside over and over and ask you what the hell was happening. As a matter of fact, I was planning on stopping by your job site to find out for myself what’s going on, since I hear you pretty much live there. But, since you’re here now, why don’t you spill it?”

His dad was staring down at his mom. Gabriel wanted to tell her, but at the same time, he wondered if he’d ever forget how hard it had been for her, for him. Her face, her image, her fear…he remembered it all still

“Gabriel wants to see Tyler, his birth father,” Andy said. He just wasn’t going to let him handle this.

Laura said nothing, staring at his dad. He couldn’t have missed how thrown she was. “I see,” she finally said, then dragged her gaze back over to him. He expected hurt, and he wanted to apologize and take it all back, but instead Laura said, “Well, that’s his right, Andy.”

That was exactly what he hadn’t expected, and maybe his dad hadn’t, either, from the expression on his face.

“Laura, I don’t agree,” he said.

She simply rested her hand on Andy’s arm. The way she touched him, Gabriel could really see she understood him better than anyone, the voice of reason. “It’s not up to you or me, Andy, either of us. So this is what’s been up.” She looked back over to him, her hand still lingering on his dad’s arm. “Is it, Gabriel? Is this why you’ve been so off, so moody, so distracted that we all wondered if you and Elizabeth were having problems? Is this because of Tyler?”

“It is,” he said.

Laura nodded. “Then you should reach out to him, talk to him, do whatever you need to do to get yourself the answers you need.” She rested her coffee, which she’d barely touched, on the counter. “I’m going to climb in the shower before Zac takes all the hot water—and you really should shave the beard off that handsome face of yours,” she said, resting her hands on Gabriel’s cheeks. Her gaze lingered for a second before she started out of the kitchen.

 “I’m sorry, Mom,” he called out over his shoulder. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

She stopped in the entryway and turned back to him. “No, Gabriel, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known this was something you’d want to deal with. I just…” She paused and smiled, but at the same time, she fisted her hands. It was such a contrast, and she seemed to have to force herself to relax them, straighten them out. She pulled in a breath, and in that second, he wanted to take it all back, and he could feel his dad ready to swoop in. “It was hard for us,” Laura said, “especially you. I just never realized how much you remembered, if anything, of what happened before Andy.”

His throat thickened, and he forced himself to clear it. “It’s not your fault, Mom. I know what you did for me, which is why I have to see him. I know how hard you worked, how hard it was for you, giving everything to me first, and he got to walk away scot-free. I’m angry. I want him to know that I know him as nothing but a worthless jerk who didn’t lift a finger to help, and I want him to look me in the eye and say he’s sorry for what he did. I want to say my piece.”

His mom nodded but said nothing else, then exchanged a look with his dad before starting back down the hall.

As Gabriel turned back to his dad, he could see the anger in his expression. Andy didn’t like it when anyone hurt his family.

“You just make sure that’s all it is, Gabriel,” he said. “Say your piece, get the apology you need. But the last thing I want is for the likes of Tyler Cassidy to be anywhere in our lives.”


Did you miss last month's Friessens release?

Sara and Devon's story includes a link to a FREE behind-the-scenes chapter not available for sale anywhere!  Pick up LONG PAST DAWN (Book 31) at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords.

" This is a beautifully written story full of emotion, love and family values and one I thoroughly enjoyed..."
★★★★★ Samanthagirl, Amazon UK Reviewer


GET YOUR AUDIO ON! 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync? Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.

Read More
The Monday Blog

A sneak peek, 99cent sale & 40% off at my eBookstore!

The newest Friessens title will be here tomorrow, but you can read Chapter 4 of HOW TO HEAL A HEART today!  

Gabriel Friessen can’t shake his growing unrest at the idea that his seemingly perfect life is nothing but a lie he’s spent a lifetime running away from.



Even though he loves his wife and step-daughter and has a family who loves him, he suspects that to move forward, he needs to close the door on his past—namely, on the man who is his father, his real father, who turned his back on his mother and left her alone and pregnant in what seemed to be another lifetime, before he was born.



Just getting on with things is no longer as easy as it has been all his life. Andy Friessen adopted him, gave him his name, raised him, and loved him, but part of Gabriel needs to face the man who turned his mother away. His mother has moved on, and his brothers and sisters would never understand, but Gabriel knows that to find the peace he needs, he must confront his biological father before he spirals any further into guilt and anger.


HOW TO HEAL A HEART (The Friessens, Book 32) is available for pre-sale at:

AMAZON  I  NOOK   I   iBOOKS   I   KOBO   I   GOOGLE PLAY

____

Chapter 4

Seriously, Elizabeth, you should do it.

Her sister had always been so over the top, but at the same time, Ruby had always had her back. Now here she was in her car, the older Mazda Gabriel had bought her, driving to the job site, feeling absolutely foolish as she thought about what she was going to do.

It was dark, but the lights inside the house were blazing, and there was his pickup. Oh, she hoped no one else was there.

She took in her image in the rear-view mirror: the makeup, the smoky eyes, the lipstick, the soft waves in her long, loose dark hair. She found herself looking around at the suburban street, seeing houses, lights on, but no one around. Good! All she could think was how scandalous this was for suburbia, and she welcomed the darkness.

She tucked her keys into her purse and stepped out of the vehicle in her black stilettos. It was cold on her bare legs as she closed the door, clutching her long black fall coat, and she looked down, walking where there was no ice. The places where it had been shoveled were unusually slick, and she stepped as carefully as she could, trying not to fall on her ass.

She reached the concrete steps, which appeared dry and clear, and she stepped up, hearing a radio playing some top forties tune. As she stepped on the top cement step, her foot nearly went out from under her from a patch of ice she hadn’t seen, and her hand slapped the door, the other gripping the doorknob.

She looked back to her car, the other houses, the street. Thankfully, they were empty, and she was really, really glad no one had seen her. She turned the knob and stepped inside, feeling the warmth, the light, the hardwood floor that was half down in the living room. Tools, equipment, and flooring were scattered everywhere, and she could hear what sounded like a nail gun echoing in the empty house.

She followed the noise, not seeing anyone else there, but then, it was late, and that was why she was there now. Her heels clicked on the floor, and she pulled at the belt of her coat as she walked down the hall and spotted Gabriel in a bedroom, on his knees, putting on the baseboards.

He wore blue jeans, work boots, and a gray hoodie, and everything about him was magnificent, sexy, strong, charismatic. He was hers. She just stood in the doorway, wondering how long it had been since he’d touched her. Too long.

He was so damn focused on what he was doing. He had his back to her, so she took a step inside, her hand on the wall, knowing he had no idea she was there. The element of surprise was on her side, and she imagined the expression that would be on his face in seconds. She wanted to high-five her sister now for encouraging her in this boldness. She untied her belt, unbuttoned her coat, and took another step in those ridiculously high fuck-me heels, then slipped off the coat and let it drop to the floor.

Gabriel set the gun down and turned his head. “You almost done there, Kip?”

Around the corner, there was another man in the closet.

Elizabeth shrieked, taking in the shock on both men’s faces as she covered her indecent black lace bra and barely there matching underwear, scrambling back and nearly twisting her ankle as she reached for the coat on the floor.

“Oh, shit!” Gabriel shouted. “Seriously, Elizabeth…”

The moment of possibilities had changed to her worst nightmare. Something banged, likely from the other guy dropping his tools. She grabbed the trench coat and held it up, freaking out, and Gabriel was suddenly there, standing in front of her, moving her against the wall as if to hide her.

“Out,” he yelled, and it took her only a second to see Kip, one of the workers, whom she’d met only half a dozen times, hurrying by. His face was bright red, and he was trying not to laugh, and she was horrified. How had she not realized someone else was there?

“Oh, I can’t believe this…” she muttered.

Gabriel took two steps over and kicked the door closed, and she thought she heard another door close, maybe the front door. She lowered her head, embarrassed, wanting to bury her face into Gabriel’s chest and hide as he moved right in front of her again.

“What the hell are you doing?” he said. Then he stepped back, and she held up the coat to pull it on, still letting Gabriel have an eyeful of her breasts, which were nearly spilling out of the low-cut push-up bra. She felt the chill in the air, which was only passably warm for someone fully clothed.

“What does it look like?” she said. “Oh my God, I cannot believe I just walked in here and one of the trades got an eyeful. I am mortified, embarrassed. I’m never going to be able to face him again. You’re never allowed to bring Kip home with you or let him drop by or anything.”

Gabriel was right in front of her, one hand on the coat, his other resting against the wall she was now leaning against. He let his eyes dip, taking in her breasts. “‘Wow’ is all I can say—and I’m sure you made Kip’s night.” He flicked his intense eyes up to her. They had been filled with such uncertainty and angst that he had kept her completely off kilter as of late, but at least she had his attention now.

She pulled in a breath, feeling all his hardness pressed against her. His hand touched hers to pull the coat away, and it fell to the floor, but she couldn’t pull her gaze from his as she allowed him to shamelessly step back and take in how little she was wearing. “Not too much, I hope,” she said. “I wanted to surprise you, and now I just feel foolish.”

He didn’t smile, but she detected a hint of amusement. He glanced to the door. “I’m dirty, covered in sawdust and construction debris, and here you are, all clean and…” He leaned in and kissed her. It was just a soft kiss, tender, and then he pulled back, but at least he didn’t say anything else.

She lifted her hands, touched his cheeks, feeling the soft short whiskers of his beard. She lowered her gaze to his lips, full and pink. How she missed them. She moved closer, pulling his head down and kissing him, and he deepened the kiss, tasting her, pulling her right against him. She felt his toolbelt as his hands ran over the bare skin of her back and down over her ass, then back up, his hands tracing the dip and curve of her waist and her breasts.

He stepped back and unfastened his toolbelt, then dropped it to the floor. He unclipped her bra as she reached between them and unbuttoned his jeans, and his hands slipped into her underwear to pull them down, but with one hard yank, he ripped them off instead and lifting her legs around his waist.

He pressed her against the wall, naked, her shoes still on. She felt his jeans loosen, the denim scraping her thighs, and he slid inside her hard and fast, with one thrust and another, his gaze locked on her, her arms around his shoulders. He moved again and again, letting her feel all that rough cloth against her naked body as he took what she was offering.

It wasn’t soft and loving and gentle. It was her giving him what she could of herself, rough, hard, fast—but that was what she’d wanted, what she knew he needed, just her and him and the outside world be damned. She didn’t care as she felt him inside her, pressing her into that wall, his hands pinning her thighs to him, feeling him in a way she hadn’t in so long, over and over until he sagged against her.

Her legs were still wrapped around his waist, and she could feel all of him inside her, holding her up and breathing hard and fast with her. Then he pulled his callused hands over her thighs as she slid her legs down, and he held her until she stood on shaky legs in those black heels. He pulled her against him, his hand around her, holding her, and pressed a kiss to her dark tousled hair.

“Wow, that was quite the surprise booty call,” he said as he stepped back and righted himself, then zipped up his fly. She didn’t miss his appreciation for her naked body, and she took in her ripped underwear on the floor, her bra. Gabriel reached for her coat and held it up.

“I planned more, but I didn’t expect to flash another guy here with you,” Elizabeth said. “Kind of killed the mood.”

Right, she had anticipated being on her knees, teasing, but a shag against the wall was as good as it was going to get. She slipped on the coat, and Gabriel reached for her torn underwear and shoved it in his pocket, then held up her bra, his expression amused.

“Quite the outfit,” he said. “Definitely not worksite approved.”

She reached for it and snatched it from his hand, then shoved it in her coat pocket. “No, but I hope it was to your liking. I had to do something, considering your distance as of late.”

Gabriel was buttoning up her coat for her, and she leaned against the wall. He seemed not quite so tense now, and his hand slid over her cheek, in her hair, so she was forced to look up at him. He was taller than her even in her stiletto heels, strong. She could feel his strength.

“Always,” he said. “Yeah, this visit was a surprising treat, but if you’re here, where’s Shaunty?”

She pulled at the belt to the trench coat, feeling her nakedness. “Ruby’s watching her.”

He didn’t pull his gaze from her, and then he frowned. “They saw you leave, dressed like this?”

She tapped her hand to his chest, feeling him tense again. “Shaunty was in the bath, getting ready for bed. Of course she didn’t see me dressed in this getup. Ruby, though…she knows why I’m here, what I planned. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this is a sex call—a much-needed sex call, considering you barely share a bed with me and haven’t touched me in how long? At least now I know why, but, Gabriel, I’m your wife, and this distance isn’t healthy.”

He said nothing, and she took in the hard set of his jaw, the pissed-off expression that suddenly seemed to come back as he glanced away. “You know, I listened to you today,” he said. “You were so sure I needed to vocalize what I’d been holding in, and when Sara started in on me, I told her what I was feeling. Then my dad walked in. I should have expected it. He just has this way of showing up all the time, overhearing things I never want him to hear. I honestly think that’s why he does it, to catch everyone off guard.”

He gave her everything and sighed, and she could see there was more. “So were you talking about your birth father?” she said.

“Yeah, about Tyler, and my dad heard my rant and did exactly what I expected. He didn’t understand, he was hurt, and then, to make it worse, he said I should find him. I know he doesn’t mean it. He pulled up the drawbridge, laying down the law and dictating to me that my mom isn’t to know. I swear he’d keep her in the dark about everything if he could.”

The way he said it, she picked up on some lingering tension between him and his dad, and she didn’t know what to say. That wasn’t what their relationship had been like, ever.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Maybe it’s for the best…” Her voice squeaked at the way his gaze darkened and his jaw tightened. That was exactly what he didn’t want to hear.

“How’s it for the best?” He shook his head, hard, determined, and she again felt as if she’d been slapped. “No, I’ll tell you what. My dad has decided everything about everyone for so long, but this time he’s wrong. My mom is a lot stronger than he thinks, and besides, I disagree with him. She should know, and for that matter, she has some of the answers I need. So no, I’m not keeping it from my mom, and if my dad doesn’t like it, then too bad. I’m done with him telling me what to do as if he thinks he knows better than everyone.”

Gabriel was pacing, and listening to the way he talked about Andy, Laura, his family, with whom he was so close, she felt as if she were watching a driver about to lose control, and the wreck he was about to cause would be catastrophic.

“You know, Gabriel, I think after a good night’s sleep, you might feel differently,” she said, but he wasn’t listening. She always knew by the way he pulled away, looked away, just like he did now.

He stared at the closed door and then pulled his gaze back to her. “There’s no better time than now,” he said. “Yeah, I’ve held on to all of this far too long. You’re right. I need to deal with this right now.”

“Sometimes not rushing into something is the wiser choice,” she said, and she went to grip his hoodie, but he was shaking his head, already walking to the door and pulling it open.

“No, I’m done waiting, done swallowing it and then lying awake for hours. All this shit has been plaguing me, the anger, the resentment. No, I’ll drive out to the ranch, have a sit-down with my mom. I’ll clear the air.”

She stared in horror, seeing how she might be responsible for this. It had been her idea, her pushing. “What? No!” she said, but he was already out the door, and she knew this could be the one thing that divided him and his family.


***  BLACK FRIDAY BONUS!! ***
For a limited time, buy direct from me and receive 40% OFF
every title in my eBookstore!  Click
here
to view my eBook collection and enter code: NKZVDAWAWY at checkout.


99CENT SALE 

Have you met Vic McCabe?  Grab Book 1 in The McCabe Brothers series for just 99cents through December 5th!

The only woman he's ever loved has sworn to hate him forever.

"Watch out Friessens! The McCabe Brothers are every bit as 'Swoon worthy'!" ★★★★★ D.H.., Amazon Reviewer

Check out DON'T STOP ME at this great rate at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, GooglePlay and Smashwords.  

Also available in audiobook at Audible US, Audible CanadaAudible UK, Audible FranceAudible Germany and Audible Australia.  (Sale price does not apply.)  Listen to a sample here.


Did you miss last month's Friessens release?  

LONG PAST DAWN includes a link to a FREE behind-the-scenes chapter not available for sale anywhere.  You can pick up Sara and Devon's story at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords.

" ...a fast-paced and intense story filled with the characters you have come to know and love. The Friessens is a wonderful series...and the telling of their tales is not something you will want to miss."
★★★★★ Catlou, Amazon Reviewer


GET YOUR AUDIO ON! 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync? Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.

Read More
The Monday Blog

Get your next glimpse of HOW TO HEAL A HEART

Get your next glimpse of HOW TO HEAL A HEART!  Book 32 in The Friessens series is on the way, but you can preview Chapter 3 now!

Gabriel Friessen can’t shake his growing unrest at the idea that his seemingly perfect life is nothing but a lie he’s spent a lifetime running away from.



Even though he loves his wife and step-daughter and has a family who loves him, he suspects that to move forward, he needs to close the door on his past—namely, on the man who is his father, his real father, who turned his back on his mother and left her alone and pregnant in what seemed to be another lifetime, before he was born.



Just getting on with things is no longer as easy as it has been all his life. Andy Friessen adopted him, gave him his name, raised him, and loved him, but part of Gabriel needs to face the man who turned his mother away. His mother has moved on, and his brothers and sisters would never understand, but Gabriel knows that to find the peace he needs, he must confront his biological father before he spirals any further into guilt and anger.


HOW TO HEAL A HEART (The Friessens, Book 32) is available for pre-sale at:

AMAZON  I  NOOK   I   iBOOKS   I   KOBO   I   GOOGLE PLAY

____

Chapter 3

There were days when he felt as if he didn’t have enough hours to accomplish everything he wanted—no, needed to get done. It seemed everyone was on their own schedule, live and let live. They were too laid back, flaky, never getting anything done to his standards.

He still needed to fix the leaking pipe under his house, and he was still pissed off at the plumber who had originally done the work and used cheap PVC piping made in China. Evidently, that was why his prices were that much cheaper.

Gabriel could see his sister from the kitchen window, still outside by the black pickup his dad had given her. She was in the arms of Devon, her fiancé, saying goodbye, his tongue likely down her throat. Quite the show, really, and he felt like they had been out there for at least half an hour.

Inside, the painter was pulling tape off the now white walls, which the light bounced off of. The scent of fresh paint had once given him a happy, accomplished feeling, but that was nowhere to be found now.

The door opened, and his sister finally walked in, and she really did look happy.

“Wow, looks fantastic!” she said. “Okay, you were right about the white. I’ll give that to you. You really have been cracking the whip there, big brother. Looks almost ready for me to start staging and get the final touches done, and then we can get this house on the market. Yay!”

She rested her laptop bag on the huge center island of the kitchen as Gabriel wiped the grout from the backsplash tiles he’d just set, which were various shades of blue. The house really was coming together.

“Well, someone has to pick up the slack and get this house done so I can get my money out of it,” he said. “I have bills to pay, Sara. Feels like I’m doing most of the work here—and the electrician hasn’t shown yet, by the way. He was supposed to be here half an hour ago to install that fancy chandelier you insisted on having in the dining room, and the lights for the kitchen and bathroom. Then there’s the yard outside, still snow covered. We need to do something with it.”

He could feel his heart thumping, the tightness in his chest, the tension and the dampness in his hands. Anxiety seemed to be his constant companion as of late, and he forced himself to take a breath, still picturing the hurt on Elizabeth’s face. She’d thought he was angry at her. No, never! Then there was her brother. He’d been an ass, and he felt horrible.

He looked over to Sara, who was leaning against the island, her white toque still on her head, her light blue winter coat still zipped up, and her boots still on her feet. She wasn’t smiling, watching him in that same distant way his wife did, likely trying to figure out what bug had crawled up his ass.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to…”

“Be an asshole?” she said. “Just FYI, big brother, you act like you’re the only one doing anything here, but you take over and do a lot of the trades’ jobs instead of letting them do it, and then you let everyone know you’re the only one who can do anything right—like that backsplash. I thought Kip was supposed to do it after the shower tile, or are you doing that too? What time did you get here, anyway?”

He tossed the sponge in the bucket, feeling the grit of the grout on his hands. “Kip’s working on the shower now. I’ve done the backsplash so he won’t have to. I plan to keep this on schedule. I don’t want any delays. It’ll be ready by the end of the week so you can get in here and get it staged. I also want you to make sure today that everything is as it’s supposed to be, as I don’t want to have to rip one more thing out or redo anything else. I just want this done and finished, and…”

She lifted her hands. “Okay! Whoa, there,” she said. “One, we are ahead of schedule, and two, I am ready. You’ve never had to wait on me yet. I only had you redo the tiling job in the Harris house last year because you gave Kip the wrong tile for the master bath. That was all you, and it seems you’re still harping on it. Then the carpet fiasco was just that. It was supposed to be hardwood, not carpet, so yeah, of course I made you rip it out. What’s going on with you? Is everything okay with you and Elizabeth?”

There it was, the one thing he didn’t want to talk about. “Yeah, she said you called, worried, thinking we were…what, like, breaking up?”

His sister made a face and crossed her arms. Maybe the asshole tone was back in his voice. “I didn’t ask if you were breaking up,” she said. “I asked if there was a problem, because evidently, something is up with you. You haven’t been yourself for a while. You’re grumpy, and you snap at everyone. You’re even stepping in and doing everyone else’s work. I know you’ve been getting here earlier and earlier, and you’re staying later. You’re here before me and you leave after me, long after. I know that for a fact. Of course we’re all thinking something’s up on the home front, because if everything is fine at home, then why are you hiding out here, getting miserable and grumpy and snapping at everyone?”

He hadn’t realized he’d been that bad, and having it pointed out didn’t help. “No, rest your pretty little head. Elizabeth and I are fine.”

Sara was still leaning against the island, crossing her arms. The engagement ring on her finger flashed. “So if this new moody Gabriel isn’t because of trouble at home, then what is it? Is it finances? Because we’re doing well, Gabriel. Last house, we turned a tidy profit.”

He just shook his head. “No, stop digging, trying to find the worst-case scenario. It’s not my finances.”

“Let’s see. Love life? Check, everything fine. Finances? Fine. Then that leaves your house and…” She stopped and stared, her face pale. “That leaves your health. Oh, good God, Gabriel, did something happen? Are you sick? Your cancer came back…”

He could see the panic, the worry. “No! Sara, it didn’t. I’m fine. I just had another clean bill from my last check-up.”

She actually blew out a breath, and he could see how she’d thought the worst. He was starting to understand what his wife was saying, because he hadn’t told anyone why he hadn’t been sleeping or about how he was still plagued by this unresolved guilt, anger, resentment—feelings that made no sense, all for a man he didn’t know.

“Then what is it, Gabriel?” Sara said. “You’re too young for a midlife crisis.” She just wasn’t going to leave it alone.

He shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand, and it’s got nothing to do with you, so just drop it, Sara.”

She pulled back, wearing the same expression as Elizabeth had the night before when he’d given her the same arrogant attitude, keeping everything to himself. “Seriously? You know what, Gabriel? I’m having a hard time believing there isn’t something going on with you and Elizabeth. This isn’t like you, and it sounds like you’re telling me to mind my own business. That sucks, Gabriel, because that’s the one thing you and Jeremy and Dad have never done for me. You’re always sticking your noses into my business. I’ve lost track of the number of times you’ve interfered with my relationship with Devon or offered your two cents or even gone around making decisions for me. Like, seriously, the double standards, Gabriel…”

He could feel the bite, and he finally cut her off. “Fine, I get it,” he said. “You want to know what it is? Well, I’ll tell you. You know where you come from, every part of you. You have a lineage, and you know Mom and Dad, no matter how fucked up their pasts are. You know all of it. But I don’t have that. Yeah, Mom and Dad love me, I get it, they’re my parents, but there’s a man out there who’s my biological father, and I’m so fucking angry with him because of what he did to Mom, to me.

“I can see by your face you don’t get it. How could you? But I’ve wanted to stand in front of him and make him look me in the eye and explain how he could’ve been such an asshole. I want to hear him say he’s sorry. I want the hurt that’s right here”—he slapped his hand to his chest— “to stop and go away, because I’ve been ignoring it, but it won’t. It’s still there, keeping me awake at night, gnawing away at me, because I haven’t dealt with it, haven’t held him accountable for what he did. I haven’t gotten to say my piece.”

He’d never seen his sister so shocked. “Oh, Gabriel,” she said, “I had no idea…”

Behind them, the floor creaked.

“And neither did I,” Andy said.

It was just one of those surreal moments. As he stared at his dad, he wished he could go back five minutes in time and shut his damn mouth. He couldn’t believe Andy had just walked in on him, but that was just something he did, showing up anytime, anywhere. He should have known better, and he felt absolutely horrible.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” he said. “I didn’t want you to know.”

His sister was looking over to their dad. Gabriel couldn’t remember ever seeing Andy look at him the way he was—hurt, something. This was exactly what he hadn’t wanted to happen, and no one said anything.

“How much did you hear?” he asked. Could he dig himself out? Unlikely, by the way his dad was looking over to Sara, who still said nothing at all.

“Enough,” Andy replied. “Why didn’t you say anything? You know you’re my son, just as much my son as any of my kids, and just because I’m not your biological father, doesn’t mean I’m not very much your father. Have I in any way ever given you the idea that you’re not my son?”

He swallowed a thick lump, knowing Andy had taken it exactly how he’d thought he would, but it was worse. He knew his dad couldn’t understand how or why he was feeling the way he was.

“No, Dad. I know you’re my dad, and this is why I didn’t want to say anything, because I knew no one would understand. It’s got nothing to do with you and Mom and the family. I know I have a family and you’re my dad, but it’s…” He just stopped talking as he took in how uncomfortable Sara was, standing there, and he realized his dad wasn’t going to let it drop.

“It’s what, son? Come on. You’ve put it out there, so finish it. You’ve been holding on to this for a while, I take it?”

Andy took another step into the kitchen so that there were maybe three feet between them now. His dad could be intense, stubborn, strong, difficult, and he knew he wouldn’t get away with not answering. That was just who Andy Friessen was.

“I need to find him, to face him,” Gabriel said. “I want to say my piece, let him know he doesn’t get a pass for walking the cowardly way he did. I can tell by your face what you’re thinking…”

“I doubt very much you have any idea what I’m thinking,” his dad snapped, cutting him off. “I don’t understand. Is this about wanting a relationship with him? Then there’s your mom.”

That was exactly why he hadn’t said anything, exactly why it was best to let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak. Damn Elizabeth for pushing, and his sister too. It wasn’t all about him and his feelings.

“No, Dad, I do not want a relationship with him. You’re my father, and he’ll never be. This is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything, because the last thing I want to do is hurt you and Mom. I remember how hard it was for her. You think I want to drag all that up again? No, just forget I said anything.” He was getting loud, and he knew the tradespeople had to be listening.

His dad and sister exchanged the oddest of looks, and his dad took another step closer. “Well, that’s the thing, Gabriel,” Andy said. “We can’t forget. So is this why you’ve been so off for months, because you’re feeling this way, because of this man?” He was watching, waiting.

Sara, who hadn’t moved, looked past him now. “Electrician’s here,” she said.

He knew he needed to shut this down. “Fine, yes, maybe. I don’t know,” he said. “All I know is this has been festering for a lot of years. I’m angry—not at you and Mom. It’s about being rejected, unwanted, even though it’s not logical. I just need to face him, to say the words and tell him he missed out on me and that I had a great life despite him, because of him.”

His dad was now nodding, and Sara, well, he wondered if she thought he’d lost his mind.

“Okay, and then what?” Andy said. “You face him and then walk away? Is that what’s going to fix this, make you happy and pull you out of how off you’ve been?”

The word “yes” was on the tip of his tongue, and he was going to say it when the electrician walked in.

“Sorry I’m late,” the man said. “Got tied up at the last job. Great, Sara, you’re here. You can show me exactly…” He was down the hall now, and all Gabriel wanted to do was stop talking as Sara started out of the kitchen and down the hall after him, but his dad took another step closer until he was standing right there in front of him and rested his hand on his shoulder.

“Then you should talk to him,” Andy said. “But I don’t want your mom to know.”

There it was, his dad and his overprotectiveness, his love for his mom. Gabriel too wanted nothing more than to keep the one thing from her that he knew would really hurt her.


GET YOUR AUDIO ON! 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync? Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.


Don't forget to check out my eBookstore where there are more ways to save and be rewarded--from refer a friend, to share on social media for a 25% discount, to my new affiliate program! More of my books will be added soon, so be sure to check back often. 

Read More
The Monday Blog

Read HOW TO HEAL A HEART, Chapter 2!

Who wants another sneak peek of HOW TO HEAL A HEART?  The next installment in The Friessens family saga will be released this weekend, but you can read Chapter 2 now! 

Gabriel Friessen can’t shake his growing unrest at the idea that his seemingly perfect life is nothing but a lie he’s spent a lifetime running away from.



Even though he loves his wife and step-daughter and has a family who loves him, he suspects that to move forward, he needs to close the door on his past—namely, on the man who is his father, his real father, who turned his back on his mother and left her alone and pregnant in what seemed to be another lifetime, before he was born.



Just getting on with things is no longer as easy as it has been all his life. Andy Friessen adopted him, gave him his name, raised him, and loved him, but part of Gabriel needs to face the man who turned his mother away. His mother has moved on, and his brothers and sisters would never understand, but Gabriel knows that to find the peace he needs, he must confront his biological father before he spirals any further into guilt and anger.


HOW TO HEAL A HEART (The Friessens, Book 32) is available for pre-sale at:

AMAZON  I  NOOK   I   iBOOKS   I   KOBO   I   GOOGLE PLAY

____

Chapter 2

Elizabeth hadn’t said anything more to Gabriel the night before, likely because what he told her hadn’t made sense. She blinked and opened her eyes. The room was still dark, and the clock flashed 5:55 a.m. as she listened to the shower running.

How many mornings had she woken up alone to Gabriel already showered and dressed, ready to leave for the job site with barely a goodbye, a touch, a kiss? She couldn’t remember. Now at least she had an idea of why, but at the same time, she didn’t understand where this had come from or why he felt this way.

She listened as he turned the shower off and opened the glass door. She knew he now had to be toweling himself off, and she pictured what he was doing, knowing well his morning routine. The water ran as he brushed his teeth, and then he’d dress and make a quick smoothie in the kitchen before leaving.

The door opened, and he strode out into the darkened room with just a towel riding low on his waist, the light from the bathroom silhouetting him softly. She took in the sculpted outline of the muscles in his back and the kind of ass she could stare at all day. He was hot, moody, and hers.

She reached over and flicked on the bedside light, sitting up, the duvet falling to her waist, feeling the chill of the morning air on her bare arms. She ran her hand over her shoulders, over the spaghetti straps of her pajama top. Gabriel turned, his dark brown hair damp with that messy towel-dried look. The beard he’d started growing a while ago was now neatly trimmed.

“Did I wake you?” he said.

He dropped the towel and stood there naked. He was so damn attractive and fit and strong. He pulled on underwear, then opened a drawer to grab a pair of jeans.

“No, I woke up a bit ago, heard you in the shower. Seems we’ve been two ships passing in the night for so long. I guess I’m a little bothered still,” she said. “No, scratch that. I’m a lot bothered that you didn’t tell me what was going on with you. I mean, how long have you been thinking about going to meet your birth father, and why? I don’t understand. Andy…”

Andy was his father. Everything about the man had shown her how much he loved Gabriel and all his kids.

“I mean, I’ve seen Andy with you, with all of you,” she said. “If you hadn’t told me he wasn’t your birth father, I wouldn’t have known. He treats you no different than Jeremy, Zac, Sara, or Chelsea. I see the way he looks at you. You’re his son in every way, so I don’t understand your need to see this man who…”

He sighed. That was his tone as of late: no patience, ready to snap. He pulled on a pair of socks and then a long-sleeved navy Henley. Maybe he was about to blow her off again.

“This has nothing to do with my dad or my mom or my brothers and sisters. Maybe you can’t understand.”

She leaned forward, feeling the punch in his words. Did he have any idea how he sounded? “There you go again, shutting down. How am I supposed to take that, Gabriel? You said it has nothing to do with me and us, but I say that’s absolute bullshit, because it has everything to do with me, and what really pisses me off is that you can’t even see how you’re treating me. You don’t share what you’re feeling or thinking, and then you say I can’t understand. You’re right. I can’t understand something when you won’t share it. I’m not a fucking mind reader, Gabriel.”

She sucked in a breath and fisted her hands, realizing how loud she had been. Yeah, she had all his attention now. At the same time, she listened for Shaunty, hoping she hadn’t woken her.

Gabriel was now watching her, his hands on his hips, and he didn’t pull his gaze away. “What do you want from me, Elizabeth?”

She tossed back the covers and stepped onto the cold floor, her pajama pants riding low on her hips. She jammed her fingers through her sleep-tousled hair. “Some damn communication. Is that too much to ask? Don’t talk to me like that, Gabriel. I’m your wife, yet here you are, ready to run off to the job site and shut down again in this misery, and you’re dragging us all down with you. I want to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, if you’re hurt, if you’re upset, if something is bothering you. You dropped a bomb on me last night and said this is about your birth father, and you want to hunt him down for an apology. Why?”

He pulled in a breath, and she could feel how closed off he was. Where was her handsome, thoughtful, loving husband who was always trying to fix everything for her? Of course he didn’t answer. That was just what he did as of late.

“How would you like it if I started hiding things from you?” she said, and she crossed her arms, not moving any closer to him. He was standing there, rooted to the spot, and she could see how stubborn he was. Was he trying to protect her?

“You know I wouldn’t like it,” he said. She lifted her brows and expected him to say something else, but she could tell he was thinking. Then he said, “You must think I’m crazy for wanting an apology.”

Her heart squeezed. She swallowed. “Never, but I’m hurt that you would think that of me.”

He just stared at her, then nodded as if maybe she was getting through to him. She squeezed her crossed arms, pulling in a shallow breath. “My birth father, Tyler Cassidy…his name has been haunting me for a while. I don’t know why, maybe because every time I look at my ID, I see Andy’s name, but he’s not my birth father. My father is the scumbag who walked away from my mother, the guy who closed the door in her face and left her alone and pregnant to figure everything out on her own, living in dive after dive. My mother worked her hands to the bone to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and we went through hell.”

“For how long have you been thinking this way? Why didn’t you say anything?”

He lifted his gaze, and for a second she thought he was going to say something about not wanting to bother her, or that she wouldn’t understand, or something ridiculous along those lines.

“Months, I guess,” he said. “I don’t know. Maybe since summer, early fall.”

She lowered her arms, fisting her hands again. “That long, huh?” Even she could hear the anger in her tone. It was the middle of winter. “You know what, Gabriel? What really pisses me off is that you’ve kept this all bottled up for months and said nothing, instead letting me think it was something I did, and you automatically assumed I wouldn’t understand, which tells me you think pretty low of me.

“If something is bothering you, I can’t know unless you tell me,” she continued. “Yeah, I may not understand, hearing now that you’re thinking about a father you don’t even know. What I see is that you have a family who loves you—a father, Andy, who loves you and would do anything for you. But put that aside. You want an apology from the guy who gave you his genes? Sure, I get it. What I don’t get is you keeping it in, hiding it like a secret.”

She walked over to him and thumped his chest with her hand. “This, here, is not the place you get to hide everything, what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling, because that’s a sure-fire way to get us right back here, with me thinking I’ve done something wrong and that you’re angry with me. Do you know how much that hurts?”

He shut his eyes, pulled in a breath, rested both his hands on her shoulders, and rubbed. He smelled so good, freshly showered, as he lowered his head and pressed his forehead to hers. He pressed a kiss to her lips and didn’t pull back from her morning breath.

“Okay, I get it,” he said. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired, disillusioned. I don’t understand why now, after all these years, it’s bothering me. It makes no sense and isn’t logical, and you’re right—I have a father, a mother, a family who are everything to me, and I love all of them. At the same time, Elizabeth, they wouldn’t understand any of this, as you’ve said. Andy is my dad, and nothing will take that from him, but there’s this piece of something in my heart that’s missing, and I can’t explain it, even to myself.

“I know my mother may have moved on, forgiven him, and my parents love each other so deeply. They’re an inspiration,” he said. “But this is about me. I want him to see what he did, to own up to all his mistakes, to admit to me that he was a coward. More than anything, I want him to look me in the eye and explain to me how he could have been such a cowardly asshole, turning his back on not just my mother but me, knowing there was a piece of him out there who looked just like him, who he was responsible for. Is it wrong for me to want to hear him say he was wrong, that he’s sorry?”

She stared at Gabriel as he slid his hands around the small of her back. She looped her arms over his shoulders and just stood there in his arms, feeling him. It was in these moments where she felt that flicker, that something, a sign that he was opening his heart and letting her in.

“Okay,” was all she said. Then she pulled in another breath. “So have you looked for him? Do you know where he is?”

In that second, she could feel him pulling back.

“Yes…no, sort of,” he said. “Before I do, I think I need to talk to my mom, and that’s a conversation I don’t want to have. You see, it’s not just about finding Tyler. That’s the easy part. It’s about what it would mean for my mom, for my dad.”

Gabriel stepped back, and she could feel his angst. She understood what he was saying and why he’d been wrestling with this.

“Okay, I think I get it,” she said. “Basically, you’ve lost sleep and put off something that you feel you need to do because you’re worried about how your mom and dad will react.”

His eyes weren’t the same vivid green as his mom’s, as his siblings. Now, as she really looked, she could see they were so different. He didn’t answer at first but pulled in a breath, and she started to feel and see the tension he’d been hiding. “Yeah, so you see my dilemma,” he said. “How can I be so selfish, wanting to call up a man who likely hasn’t given a second thought to me or my mom? Andy has given me more love than I thought was possible. He adopted me, gave me his name, and here I am, feeling as if there’s this big hole in me and something is missing. Right, like they would get it. I don’t even get it. It will hurt them. They won’t understand.”

He was so definite, and she wanted to argue with him, wanted to reason with him. At the same time, something had her holding her tongue.

“Whatever you decide, you know I’m in your corner,” she said, “but you can’t do nothing. You can’t bury it. You obviously need to confront this guy. You need to speak with him, even just for closure for yourself. I don’t know how your parents would react, but I think, Gabriel, you may not be giving them enough credit. This is about being honest. Whatever you decide, you know I’m behind you and I love you, but ask yourself if you can honestly keep going the way you’re going. As you’ve said, this has been bothering you for a while. If you don’t confront all of this and do something, I’m pretty sure, even though I’m no expert on carrying guilt, it will continue to haunt you even while you’re trying to bury it. I mean, look how you’ve been acting. Your family’s noticed. I think if you talk to your mom, your dad, you may realize they’re a lot more supportive and understanding than you think. As you said, you love your dad, and it’s not about him.”

Gabriel sighed, leaned in, and kissed her hard and fast, then pulled away. “I’ve got to go,” was all he said, then pulled open the bedroom door, letting the hallway nightlight shine in. When he looked back at her, she wondered if he’d just dismissed everything she’d said.

“You know I love you,” he said, and she just stood there, feeling a giant ache in her heart for his angst and seeing now what he was struggling with. She nodded.

“Talk to your mom. Talk to your dad,” she said.

He said nothing else at first as he took her in, then pulled in a breath and gestured with his chin toward her. “Have a great day at work.”

Then he was gone, leaving her feeling another moment of disconnect. She’d told him just last week that her payroll job at Burky’s Discount Food Market was being replaced by a software program, but evidently, he hadn’t heard a word she’d said.


99CENT SALE 

For a limited time only, you can pick up A VOW OF LOVE (The Friessens: A New Beginning, Book 4) for 99cents!

Holidays are about family, love and giving, but this Christmas, the Friessens are in for a rough holiday season.

"WOW!!...This Friessen family is by no means perfect, but they love hard and protect what's theirs. This has been a wonderful series and I can't wait to read more about this family." ★★★★★ Mary Rhonda M., Kindle Customer

A VOW OF LOVE is on sale at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords through December 3rd. 

Also available in audiobook at Audible USAudible UKAudible France and Audible Germany (sale price does not apply).  Listen to a sample here


GET YOUR AUDIO ON! 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync? Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.


Don't forget to check out my eBookstore where there are more ways to save and be rewarded--from refer a friend, to share on social media for a 25% discount, to my new affiliate program! More of my books will be added soon, so be sure to check back often. 

Read More
The Monday Blog

Catch a sneak peek of upcoming Friessens release HOW TO HEAL A HEART!

Can't wait till release day?  The newest addition to The Friessens big family romance series is coming soon, but you can grab a sneak peek of HOW TO HEAL A HEART today! 

Gabriel Friessen can’t shake his growing unrest at the idea that his seemingly perfect life is nothing but a lie he’s spent a lifetime running away from.



Even though he loves his wife and step-daughter and has a family who loves him, he suspects that to move forward, he needs to close the door on his past—namely, on the man who is his father, his real father, who turned his back on his mother and left her alone and pregnant in what seemed to be another lifetime, before he was born.



Just getting on with things is no longer as easy as it has been all his life. Andy Friessen adopted him, gave him his name, raised him, and loved him, but part of Gabriel needs to face the man who turned his mother away. His mother has moved on, and his brothers and sisters would never understand, but Gabriel knows that to find the peace he needs, he must confront his biological father before he spirals any further into guilt and anger.


HOW TO HEAL A HEART (The Friessens, Book 32) is available for pre-sale at:

AMAZON  I  NOOK   I   iBOOKS   I   KOBO   I   GOOGLE PLAY

____

Chapter 1

“Shine the light over here,” Gabriel said. He was on his back on the concrete slab in their crawlspace, feeling a rock or a pebble jabbing into his ass as he gripped the wrench, putting everything he had into loosening the pipe fitting. He could barely see in the dim light, feeling another drop of water hit his head just as the light flashed in his eyes, blinding him.

“Shit, Elizabeth! What the hell…” He shut his eyes and turned his head, the water dripping on his cheek now.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s such a tight space. I’m doing the best I can.”

The edge to her voice had him wanting to snap, but he forced himself to put the wrench down and rolled over, sliding down to where he could sit up.

“Seriously, Gabriel, how about hiring a professional to fix it?” she said. “You know a plumber.”

He reached for the flashlight and took in the crawlspace around them. “I am a professional,” he said, “and I’m not spending money on a plumber when I can do it myself.”

He didn’t have to look over to Elizabeth to see her expression. Of course she was smarting, but then, he’d been an absolute ass as of late.

“Well, can it at least wait until the morning?” she said. “I mean, seriously, it’s not as if this is a new leak that has to be fixed right now. It’s been dripping for how long? I’m tired, you’re tired.”

“You know what? Go to bed, but I’m fixing this. Maybe that’s the problem. There’s far too much going on here that’s been left for too long, so no, I’m not leaving it. I have a hell of a big day tomorrow. I need to be at the job site before sun-up, as all the tradespeople are showing up at the same time—flooring, finishing, electricians to install the lights… I need to be there so no one screws anything else up, or I’ll have to go back and redo the job myself when I could have done it right to begin with.”

Elizabeth flinched. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a messy bun, and she wore faded jeans with a hole in the knee and one of his blue hoodies, which was covered with paint splotches.

“So we’re still there, are we?” she said. “Nobody can do anything right except you. Everyone is nothing but a screwup. You know, Gabriel, I’m doing my best, but there’s days I wonder, from the things you say to me and others, whether you can hear yourself or have any idea how people are taking it. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”

He took in the door to the crawlspace and then dragged his hand over his face. “Nothing is going on. I’m sorry, I’m just…” Tired, pissed off, not sleeping—or was it that he could feel his once firm footing slipping in every area of his life?

She said nothing, just sat, crossing her legs on the concrete, in the grit and dirt, waiting patiently. Fuck, why did she have to be so damn patient?

He pulled in a breath, and even he could feel the frustration building. He wanted to snap, and he flicked his fingers through his hair. This time, he felt her hand on his arm, stopping him.

“Are you going to sit there all night and snap at me and at everyone else?” she said. “I mean, when my brother stopped by before dinner tonight, I don’t remember you ever being so rude. Really, telling him we were about to eat dinner and asking how long he was planning on staying?”

Right, her family. He didn’t have the patience for Marty, her wannabe biker brother, six foot two and three hundred plus pounds, dropping by anytime he wanted. He just wanted some peace and quiet. “I’ll call him and apologize,” Gabriel said, “but seriously, Elizabeth, just once I’d like to come home and not have to wonder if Ruby, Marty, or even your mom and dad are going to show up—and that ridiculous way they ring the doorbell, leaning on it over and over? Then I’m constantly having to throw on more food to feed your brother and sister, who it seems don’t have lives of their own. They’re always here.”

Yeah, Elizabeth had the most dysfunctional family. They were entertaining, to say the least, but he was having a hard time dealing with them right now, wanting space and quiet and normal.

“Huh,” she replied, and he didn’t miss the edge. “So is this really about my family? You know Marty looks up to you, Gabriel, and you made him feel like absolute shit tonight, unwelcome. I can’t remember you ever treating anyone in my family like that. Do you want me to tell my family not to come over, or is it that you want them to schedule an appointment? Is that what this is about?”

He kicked the wrench and shoved it over. The last thing he wanted was hard feelings, and this seemed to be heading to a place that could divide everyone. But what the hell did he want? How could he make her understand his own confusion?

“No, it’s fine, but at the same time, how about some boundaries and space with your family? Do they have to be here every day?”

She made a face. “They’re not here every day, Gabriel…” She lifted her hand when he went to interrupt her. “Ah, let me finish. Marty has been going through a rough patch, and he’s been coming over here looking for some inspiration to get a handle on his diet. Did you know he had a panic attack? His doctor told him he had to clean up his diet and take off a lot of the excess weight. He sees how healthy you eat, and he’s trying to do what you do.”

He just stared at Elizabeth. He’d had no idea, and he wondered if the shock showed on his face. “I didn’t know he had a panic attack. When? Why?”

Elizabeth inclined her head. “Last Thursday. He thought it was a heart attack and called me down. He was at a pawn shop, looking at a ring, wanting to pop the question to Bonnie.”

Again, he wondered if his confusion showed. “Who’s Bonnie?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “You know, his girlfriend, the one he’s been dating for eighteen months now?”

Right. Short, overweight, glasses, a few years older than Marty. How could he forget? He’d met her only once or maybe twice.

“Didn’t know it was serious,” he said. “How did I not know this? She’s never with him when he comes by. A pawn shop for a ring, seriously?”

The way Elizabeth was staring at him, he realized how wrapped up he was in himself. She shrugged. “Well, considering how you made Marty feel tonight, it’s a good thing she didn’t come. Nevertheless, she works nights. And what can I say? Marty loves pawn shops.” She paused. “But what happened with Marty tonight is kind of beside the point. You’ve been off for a while, and I’ve been pretty patient with you, beyond patient. Is this really about my family coming by? Because if it is, I’ll tell them to stop just showing up if that would make you feel better.”

Okay, now he felt like an absolute ass. Did her brother really look up to him? “No, I’m sorry. I’ll call Marty tomorrow. I’ll apologize. Is he really trying to clean up his diet?”

That was the way her entire family ate. Her father was the same, more than three hundred pounds, and her sister and mother were all about the TV dinners, the fast food. It was still a wonder to him how different Elizabeth was.

“Yup, he wants to still be around in ten, twenty years, to get married and have a future, to be more like you.” She actually reached over and rested her hand on his jean-clad leg, rubbing. The way she looked at him, the intensity, had him feeling like he was really such a total and complete ass, so unworthy of her.

“Yeah, well, not sure picking me to look up to is such a wise move,” he said, pulling back, feeling himself spiraling back into tiredness, disillusionment, everything he’d been drowning in as of late.

“Why would you say such a thing?” Elizabeth said. “Seriously, I have never heard you put yourself down—and for that matter, this mood of yours has been going on for a really long time, and I’m done with it. My brother looks up to you for the choices you’ve made, for the good, decent, and loving person you are, even though there are times like right now where I want to smack you silly. Look at everything you have, this place, your business. I thought you loved being a contractor, working for yourself, calling the shots. I mean, at least now you’re not having to chase people around to get paid. Now you get to handle it all. You said this was your dream, and I’ve supported you. Good God, Gabriel, even Shaunty has seen how off you’ve been. You’re distracted and moody, and we never know which Gabriel is going to walk through that door. I was starting to wonder if it was me.”

Even though it was dark, with just the flashlight casting a soft beam, he didn’t miss how her eyes seemed to glass over. She pressed her fingers to them and wiped.

“You thought it was you? No, Elizabeth, don’t ever think that. Get that out of your head.” He reached over and ran his hand over her arm and her cheek, feeling a tear he hadn’t seen run down her face. She sniffed. What had he done?

“Then what is it, Gabriel? Because you’re not sharing anything, and I’m not the only one who’s been wondering what’s going on with you. Even Sara said you snapped at her the other day. She called today and asked if everything was okay between the two of us. She said even your mom and dad and your brothers were wondering if our marriage was in trouble.”

He could feel his jaw slacken as he racked his brain, trying to figure out how they could come up with such a ridiculous idea. He laughed and shook his head. “Geez, talk about reading into something. So my family’s concerned for us, and what did you say to them?”

She shrugged. “It was just your sister, and she was worried. What was I supposed to say to her? Nothing, because I have no idea what’s going on with you. You’re a closed book, Gabriel, and when you don’t want to let someone into your thoughts and feelings, they’re not getting in. I know that, your family knows that. So if it’s not me you’re angry with, then who is it, Gabriel? I haven’t pushed. I’ve given you space. Shaunty and I feel at times as if we’re walking on eggshells around you. In case you forgot the part about us being married, I’m the one person you should be sharing with. For that matter, if it was me walking around, being moody and difficult and not sharing, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t give me the same space I’ve given you. Seriously, what was I supposed to think? I ask you something, you give me a one-word answer. We don’t talk about our days, how Shaunty is doing in school. It’s as if you’ve completely shut me out. You’ve stopped sharing anything…”

She lifted her hands, and he could feel the way the air was charged with emotion, anxiety, angst, and he was responsible for all of it.

“I want to find my father,” he said.

She said nothing at first, staring at him as if he’d lost his mind. “Why?”

“That’s why I said nothing, because of the look you’re giving me now.” He knew she didn’t get it. “Because I want him to look me in the eye when I tell him he’s a worthless piece of shit. No, scratch that.” He gestured to himself. “What I really want is for him to look me in the eye and tell me he’s sorry.”


99CENT SALE 

Through December 2nd, IN THE STARS (The Friessens, Book 12) is on sale for 99cents!

Don't ever fall in love with your best friend!

Evie and Danny have been friends forever, and neither has considered the other in a romantic way. Then, one day, in drives Charlie Adams, the sexy, gorgeous daughter of the town banker. When she sets her sights on Danny, he just can't resist her charms.

Little does he know, Evie is about as down and out as she can get, working a dead-end job, with less than twenty dollars in her bank account. Her future and options are bleak, and to make it worse, as she watches from the sidelines, she realizes she has loved Danny forever.

Will Danny realize that the love of his life may not be the woman he's dating?

"Another great love story with many ups and downs. A roller coaster of the best kinds of emotions." 
★★★★★ Amazon Customer

Evie and Danny's story is on sale at the great rate of 99cents at Amazon, Nook, iBooksKoboGoogle Play and Smashwords

Also available in audiobook at Audible USAudible UKAudible France and Audible Germany (regular pricing applies).  Listen to a sample here.


GET YOUR AUDIO ON! 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync? Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.


Don't forget to check out my eBookstore where there are more ways to save and be rewarded--from refer a friend, to share on social media for a 25% discount, to my new affiliate program! More of my books will be added soon, so be sure to check back often. 

Read More
The Monday Blog

Is your life a revolving door of miscommunication?


Is your life a revolving door of miscommunication?
 
What is the one thing we do on a daily basis that often gets us in trouble? We communicate with each other. Ask yourself, are you communicating in a way that makes you feel disrespected, or are you communicating in a way that commands respect?
 
I remember a time years ago: I was riding horseback on a backcountry trail. It was gorgeous, a beautiful day. I don’t even remember what time of year it was, spring or fall, but riding the trails in the backcountry is something I absolutely love to do. There was a moment where I felt my horse hesitate and become unsettled, skittish, which had all my senses on alert. I looked around and spotted, straight ahead, a black bear sitting just off the path, maybe two hundred yards up.
 
I could feel my horse’s heartbeat kicking up as I held him still when all he wanted to do was take off and run out of control. Instead, I sat there on the horse and waited and watched as a cub came out of the bush and crossed the path. Mama bear was still sitting there, and a minute or two later, a second cub crossed into the bush on the other side. Yeah, you bet I got that communication loud and clear! No words needed to be spoken. Mama bear was sitting there, waiting for her cubs to cross the path into safety, and she was doing what mother bears do.
 
Of course, she knew we were there, but we had enough sense to stay back. She sat there for another thirty seconds or so before getting up and walking slowly, following her cubs into the bush. I can tell you there was no misinterpreting her communication. It was absolutely, one hundred percent, crystal clear: Stay the hell back and away from my babies or I will rip you apart. It took us another minute or two before we started moving along the path back home. I wanted to give her time to move on with her babies. My horse was still jittering, heart thumping, so I had to rein him in to keep him from taking off like the fires of hell were burning his ass. Even my horse could understand the clear, concise, wordless communication.
 
Have I been compared to a mother bear with my kids, especially with my special needs son? Absolutely. I’ve set very clear boundaries, and those around me have said on numerous occasions, “We’d never want to go up against you where your kids are concerned, because you would likely rip us apart.” Well, yeah, I would—to a certain extent! I am very clear with my expectations, because they have not been met too many times. With my special needs son, I had to learn to communicate in a way that commands respect. But it had to start with me first. I had to get clear on my expectations.
 
If you don’t feel respect, then you’re not communicating to yourself that you want to be respected. What if I were to say something to you in a way that made you feel disrespected? You would take what I said and interpret it in a certain way, telling yourself that my words and my tone mean I don’t respect you or like you, and you would become hurt and angry. But is that really what I said? No.
 
Unfortunately, this happens all the time, and it always comes down to the way we communicate with each other. I mean, some people feel loss for something they have never had, and if you think about it, most losses we feel are for expectations that were never met. How many of you have gone to someone you know and asked them to help you get a job, or get a foot in the door with a good friend of theirs, or get a contract with a company they do business with? When it doesn’t happen, no job, no contract, nothing, you’re hurt, and you talk or vent to someone else, who says that person didn’t really like you or they didn’t really try, because if they did like you or care, you would have that job or that contract or that piece of the pie you expected to have. If they really wanted to, they could have pulled the strings and gotten it for you.
 
Like I said, most upsets are about unmet expectations. You expected someone to do something, you expected that promotion, you expected the weather to change, you expected… I could go on. Then, when it didn’t happen, you had that feeling of losing something you never had.
 
If you want to feel bad, all you have to do is create the illusion of loss. Then that feeling of loss creates another emotion. You know the one—that feeling of hurt. This ziplines you right toward feeling outright anger at that person. You perceive them as having done or not done something, all because the communication went completely haywire in your head. Maybe you now think that person is a lying, cheating, dishonest scumbag, and you’re no longer friends, and you hate them, but the truth of the matter is that when you spoke to them about that job, they were clear with you and didn’t promise anything. It was all your expectation. Then what did you do but vent to another friend, and that friend added in their two cents about how if your friend really wanted to help you, she could have?
 
Keep in mind, you’re in a really stressful state to begin with. Maybe you’re struggling to pay your rent or mortgage or bills, so when your other friend says that of course your friend could have gotten you the job if she really wanted to, she could have pulled some strings, she could have made it happen for you, you believe she must not care about you. You see where I’m going?
 
Does the state of stress affect how we interpret things? Of course it does. I mean, how many of you do that thing where you let your head create all kinds of shit about another person? You tell yourself, OMG! She hates me and thinks I’m horrible and wants to hurt me. She lied. She’s not really my friend. How many of you are really good at interpreting something in a way that makes you think someone has done something to you? I can guarantee you there was a misunderstanding there. When you asked your friend to help with getting you a job or contract, she probably said to you, “Hey, no promises.” It was the illusion of loss, and that illusion is all you need to feel bad.
 
Maybe the anger is directed at you, and someone is misinterpreting what you said. In that case, look at the mama bear on the path. I guarantee you she wasn’t getting stuck in her head, creating all kinds of illusions and scenarios. Her communication was deadly clear. She wasn’t lying. She wasn’t dishonest. Stay back or else.
 
If you find that your communication is getting lost in translation, ask yourself a question about the person who’s angry with you. If you’re the one who’s upset, ask yourself these questions: What is going on with her? What could make her treat me this way or respond this way? What is she stressed about?
 
Then ask the person, because seriously, this will change how you communicate with others. You will often find that the response you get is either a loving response or a cry for help.


GET YOUR AUDIO ON! 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync? Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.


Don't forget to check out my eBookstore where there are more ways to save and be rewarded--from refer a friend, to share on social media for a 25% discount, to my new affiliate program! More of my books will be added soon, so be sure to check back often. 

Read More
The Monday Blog

It’s another Parker Sisters 99cent sale!

It's another Parker Sisters sale!  Join the Parker family for A JUNE WEDDING, now on sale for only 99cents!

It's A JUNE WEDDING at the Parker family ranch...or so the invitation says!  Little does the family know that not just one Parker sister is getting married, but three.  Will this be the wedding of the season, or will three sisters end up with broken hearts?  

"A funny, troubled, complicated, and heartwarming storyline that will keep you reading till the end. This family saga is a very entertaining read. You will want to read the whole series!"
★★★★★ Susan1, Kindle Customer

Don't miss this spin-off of the Married in Montana series!  A JUNE WEDDING is on sale through November 30th at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords.


FREE eBOOK

For a limited time, you can download THE CHOICE (Walk the Right Road, Book 1) for FREE! 

"The narrative begins with one story line and twists and turns into an unexpected scenario of betrayal, love, redemption, and trust...Thoroughly entertaining and difficult to put down."  ★★★★★ EJ, Kindle Customer 

Grab your free copy today at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords


GET YOUR AUDIO ON

Click here to see all my titles now available in audiobook!

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync?  Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.

Read More
The Monday Blog

Pick up THE DATING GAME for 99cents!

It's a Parker Sisters sale!  Through the end of November, you can pick up THE DATING GAME (The Parker Sisters, Book 2), for just 99cents at all eRetailers.

Twenty-six year old Ivy Parker is a nurse by day, but an unlikely attraction with a mysterious man will turn her world upside down as she finds herself in The Dating Game.

"This story is a really sweet small town romance, which at the same time has an underlying serious message about the worth of women and the agenda of certain men...Well written and absolutely recommended!"
★★★★★ Cornelia W., Amazon Reviewer

Don't miss this spin-off of the Married in Montana series!  Ivy's story is on sale at the great rate of 99cents at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play or Smashwords.

Also available in audiobook at Audible US, Audible UK, Audible France or Audible Germany (regular pricing applies).  Listen to a sample here.  


GET YOUR AUDIO ON

Click here to see all my titles now available in audiobook!

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync?  Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.

Read More
The Monday Blog

The Monday Blog is back!



How many times have you anticipated the worst-case scenario because of a past experience that gutted you?
 
It happens to all of us: A traumatic event brings us to our knees, and we condition ourselves into a state of fear. We expect that incident to happen again. We even tell people that’s who we are. It becomes a vicious cycle, and ten, twenty years down the road, these events begin to shape us into a memorized set of behaviors, emotional reactions, unconscious habits, hardwired attitudes. If you think about it analytically, these attitudes begin to function like a computer program. Even though you may start doing your “I am…” recitations—“I am healthy,” “I want to be free,” “I am happy”—you’re doing them with your conscious mind. Something has happened that has rocked your world, and remember, your subconscious mind is separate from your conscious analytical mind. All of this trauma is hardwired into your body and affects how you believe you are supposed to think, feel, and react to a situation.
 
Think about it: You find out your spouse is cheating on you. He was the love of your life, married for twenty-plus years, and you had dreams and plans together. You wanted to travel, see the world. You shared everything personal, your thoughts, your hopes. It was a blindside, and you found out when he sat you down and said, “I’m leaving because I’m in love with someone else.” Now you’re sitting there in that chair, and maybe your ears are ringing as you feel the floor soften beneath your feet. The world as you know it has changed in a few seconds, and you’re devastated, feeling betrayed and hurt—the kind of emotions that gut you and bring you to your knees. That kind of breach of trust can bring everything in your world crashing down around you.
 
To make it worse, you worked together at his company, so now you’re out of a job. You realize your coworkers knew. Maybe one of them sympathizes and stops by for a drink, coffee, tea, and they say to you, “But we all knew… How could you not know? We saw it. What do you think they were doing when they went out together for those lunches, those meetings behind closed doors?” You just stare in horror, feeling as if someone has taken a butcher knife and stabbed you in the back, right through to the heart. Now you’re second-guessing everything in your life. It’s not just that your trust was burned; it’s that your whole world as you knew it was a lie. Your happy place has been ripped away, and all you want to do is crawl into bed, pull the covers over your head, and cry.
 
The stronger your emotion and reaction to a situation, the more energy and focus your brain devotes to that cause. It takes a picture and files it away, and that’s called a memory. Then there’s your reaction to the event: crying, swearing, depressed. If it lasts for days, it’s called a mood. Your friends ask why you’re not your happy self, and you have to reply that your world just came crashing down. If it goes on for weeks or months, it becomes a temperament. You become bitter. And when you let it go on for years on end, it becomes a personality trait. Ideally, you want to shorten that period. Unfortunately, what most of us do is recall that emotion. The stress hormones pop up, and you live in survival mode. It acts like a warning: Pay attention, or this could happen again. So you start to expect the worst because your husband cheated on you. You condition your body into a state of fear, and wham! Next, you’re having panic attacks.
 
If someone asks you why you’re such an unhappy person, why you’re so mean to people, and why you say such awful, horrible things about men, you say, “I am this way because I once trusted a man, and look what happened.” Every time you recall the event, you produce the same emotional response in your body. The body believes and relives the experience. Those emotions affect and influence your thoughts, and you live in the past. The hardest part of change is not making the same choice you did yesterday. The moment you wake up and make a different choice, saying, “Okay, I’m not going to expect all men to be lying, cheating, dirty dogs,” guess what happens? It’s uncomfortable.
 
The emotion follows the thought. When it comes time to change, your body tells you that you’ve been doing this for twenty years, yet now you suddenly think you can stop being miserable and bitter, blaming others, suffering, making excuses, or feeling sorry for yourself because you’re still alone? Your body says, Whoa, wait a second. Being happy is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I need to return to the familiar. This is where procrastination starts. You say, “Today’s not a good day. I’ll start tomorrow.” You know tomorrow will never come. When it does, you say, “It happened to my mom and my sister. I’m too much like them, and I’m too old and set in my ways to change.” You pile on the excuses for why you need to stay miserable and unhappy and in this headspace. This isn’t going to work for you. It doesn’t feel right.
 
If you respond to that thought, it leads to the same experiences, the same heartache, the same emotion repeating over and over and over. If you sit down and start thinking about the worst-case scenario, you feel the emotion of that event. Say you’ve met someone new. You’re dating him, and you really like him, but then you get that feeling that he’s cheating on you. You really believe it, because you expect it, because lying and cheating are what you attract. You relive that emotion of ten or twenty years ago, and your body doesn’t know the difference between that event and the imagined scenario today.
 
Someone recently said to me, “There are assholes everywhere. Just don’t expect everyone to be one.” When it comes time for you to kick that emotion to the curb because you’re damn determined not to live that way anymore, you find that the body is stronger than the mind. How many people like the unknown? Not many, because it’s a scary place. You return to the familiar, the guilt, the sense of betrayal, the anger, because it’s predictable. The best way to predict your future is to create it by closing your eyes and mentally rehearsing what you want to feel, what you want to have. You start feeling that new event replace the old. You shape what you want every single day as if it has happened.
 
That new event becomes a new computer program hardwired into you. We can’t wait for something outside to change something inside us—like waiting for a new guy to show up and show you that all men aren’t cheaters. Well, you have to create it. You may be living in lack, living just to get by, but the moment you start feeling abundant and worthy and loved is the moment you start feeling whole and your healing begins. It’s the difference between living as a victim and switching that around to become a creator of your own reality.


Did you miss my latest release?  

Follow Sara and Devon in my latest Frissens release, LONG PAST DAWN, now available at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, Google Play and Smashwords or buy direct from me here and save!  

"A really emotional story that you don't want to miss." ★★★★★ KEC200, Amazon Reviewer


GET YOUR AUDIO ON 

If you aren’t already an Audible listener, did you know that you can try audiobooks with a FREE trial?  No risk for 30 days.  Seriously, this is a super hot deal with Audible and a great way to have a listen to some of my books on audio for FREE in the FREE trial.  And if you cancel, you pay nothing.  What are you waiting for?  Click on your Audible country of choice below and try it out.  Then shoot me an email to let me know which audible narrator is your favorite!

And did you know... if you already own one of my eBooks on Kindle, you can pick up the audiobook at a reduced price with Whispersync?  Whispersync allows you to both read and listen, and you can even switch back and forth between reading the book on Kindle and listening to the book on Audible without losing your place.


Don't forget to check out my eBookstore where there are more ways to save and be rewarded--from refer a friend, to share on social media for a 25% discount, to my new affiliate program! More of my books will be added soon, so be sure to check back often. 

Read More