I'm back with #5 which is the learn vs. stuck mentality. Everyone is still with me, right? As always, please feel free to share, teach, and talk about all my posts with everyone. And to whom I owe the credit for teaching me is the amazing Robin Sharma.

This mentality is another big one. It’s easy to become hypnotized and stuck in complacency and stagnation in our daily lives—doing the same thing, carrying out the same routines, living the same safe lives and never rocking the boat or stepping out of your comfort zone. For some people, this means remaining invisible. But greatness begins at the other end of your comfort zone. You don’t need to be someone who lives the same day over and over for 75 years and then calls that a life.

Instead, step outside that comfort zone, release any form of stuckedness (a great word), and commit to being a learner. Become more curious about everything, because if you look at the most successful people, the happiest people, the richest, the most productive, the healthiest, and the best of the best, those people understand what neurobiologists teach us, which is that the brain craves novelty. When you make progress in your life and start disrupting your winning formula, you’re stretching to reach new areas that may not be easy.

We all have people around us—or maybe you’re even one of them—who get caught up in how society tells you to live, how your day is meant to look, not to reach too high, to play it safe. I certainly was one of those people, but all of that comes from fear, that fear we don’t even realize is part of us, though it rules us and makes us only go so high. Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to dig yourself out of a rut or you keep doing the same things over and over? I was there until I said, “Seriously, this has got to go!” I decided to step out of my comfort zone.

As an introvert, terrified to even speak in front of people, let me tell you that trying new things wasn’t easy! Breaking out of my comfort zone was and still is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but once you start, it’s like magic. Don’t let other people’s criticism or discouragement ever hold you back, or worse, let their words get in your head. The only way I’ve gotten to where I am, successfully supporting my family as an author (and that isn’t as easy as you may think), is because I never get stuck doing the same thing.

At one time, I was Amazon exclusive, but I took a chance and broke out of that mold to go retailer wide. I’m always trying new things. Some work, some don’t, and if something doesn’t work, it isn’t a failure but a learning experience that only gets me to work and move and stretch into unfamiliar territory. From foreign rights to audiobooks, the publishing industry is constantly changing. You remember those free novellas I put out every month? Well, things have changed, the industry has changed, and instead of fighting those changes, I’m reaching and trying new things. Doing so is unbelievably energizing. There will be something new, something exciting, as I reach to the ends of my limits. It may feel hard and scary, but you’re growing. Just keep telling yourself that.

As an author, I can tell you this has become especially key. The industry is changing so rapidly on a daily, weekly, monthly basis that unless you’re always learning, stepping out of your comfort zone, trying and doing something different, you will not succeed. There are some things I’ve tried that haven’t worked, but I can honestly tell you that those failed attempts weren’t failures. Many authors who were once successful are getting left behind and drowning in a sea of change. There are so many authors out there, so many books, that what once would’ve been a bestseller can easily now slip into the abyss, and that is truly unfortunate. But this isn’t just in the publishing industry, it’s in everything. Doesn’t matter whether you’re an entrepreneur, a contractor, a small business owner, or a taxi driver: The key purpose in life is for you to grow.

You may be in a season where you’re confused, and that’s okay. Just remember that if you’re growing, you’re winning. Most people do the same thing, repeat the same day, same routines, think the same thoughts, drive the same routes to work, watch the same TV shows, and wonder why there’s no magic in their lives. They wonder why they’re not productive and making it, why they’re not climbing the corporate ladder, or any ladder, or being the best of the best. Breaking out of your comfort zone will help you deconstruct those thoughts and release the addiction of holding on to the safe harbor, the knowns. You know the ship that sits in the harbor and avoids the turbulent sea, but that’s not what ships are meant for. That’s not what we are meant for.

Just remember that if you choose to spend your life in that safe harbor of the known with the same people, the same thinking, the same behaviors, it is safe, but it is also dangerous. So go to the edge of your limits, because that’s how your limits expand. That’s how you expand, how you succeed.

Today, do something that makes you uncomfortable. The thing you’re most resisting is what you need to do now, and so is the conversation you keep putting off. Do the things that frighten you. Every single time you walk into the fire of your discomfort and do something that has been terrifying you, you take back the power you gave that fear, and if you do it every single day with consistency, you become the bravest person. Create a habit of getting outside your comfort zone on a daily basis. I’m doing it every day, so join me.

Just like the saying: Two steps forward one step back, but keep right on going....
 
The victim versus leader mentality seems to be the biggest obstacle for all of us. Last week’s blog, where I introduced this idea, was actually written a few weeks ago, but when my assistant had it ready for publishing and sent it to me, I took some time to reread it. Then I had to read it once again, as I had an a-ha moment and said a very poetic “Hmm,” realizing that post said everything about my weekend and how the victim mentality had nearly taken down my entire team. If you are wondering what team, where and how? Those details aren’t really important, but the effect on all of us from a few stuck in that victim mentality was a rude awakening that we weren’t as bullet proof as we thought. I had to take a step back, and it had taken me several days to regroup and get my head screwed back on straight, fighting the urge to get caught up in finger pointing, blame, and generally just feeling crappy.
 
One of the challenges is that the victim mentality is embedded into us as children, and until you start to recognize what you’re doing, what you’re saying to others, lashing out and criticizing, you don’t realize that you’re playing the victim. As I spent some time writing and reflecting this past week, I was reminded of a time six years back, when I was part of a group being trained by one of the best mountain bikers around. As we trained and worked and he pushed us to try harder and steeper, something happened: fear!
 
It hit one person and then another, and they started freaking out. The words “I can’t,” “I won’t” came out of their mouths, and the pitch of their voices showed that they teetered on panic. Our trainer said something to all of us in that moment that has stuck with me to this day: That kind of fear can go through everyone and take everyone out. And it did. I know it hit me, and I had to get off my bike along with several others and walk the rest of the way down. I couldn’t even do something as basic as a small hill or a corner that I had easily done before. I will never forget how the fear of others hit me. Worse, where I once had trained with confidence, I was struggling with doubt.
 
What I’m saying is that as tight as your group, your team, or even your family can be, when you’re growing and training, it’s important to not take in the lower energy around you or bring in people who aren’t ready for what you’re doing—because if those people put the brakes on, if they’re stuck in that victim mentality of the blame game, where things are too hard, too fast, where they can’t keep up and they have to slow down, then they aren’t of the same mindset as you and your group. That mentality is a poison that can take everyone down.
 
That’s not to say you shouldn’t be encouraging those people or lavishing praise on them for getting out there and trying, but use wisdom, because in tight-knit teams that are training at a different level, those one or two or three still stuck in the victim mentality can take down an entire team and divide people, having them lashing out at one another over things they were easily doing in training. That’s why there are beginner, intermediate, and advanced levels, and that’s why as you grow and train and work your butt off, you surround yourself with people who are where you are, who are going where you’re going, who’ve kicked those negative words out of their vocabulary.

Mental mastery #4 – The leader vs. the victim
 
You can be a victim, or you can be a leader. You can’t be both. Again, just a reminder: Victims are the ones who live their lives complaining, being angry, giving away their power, and being reactive. They’re not thinking about where they should be at the end of the month, the year, or their lifetime. They’re the ones who say, “I’m not great at work because I had a difficult background,” or “I don’t have money because there’s not a lot of money in the world,” or “I don’t have a great love life because there are no decent men left.” They give away their power or blame external circumstances for everything. If you see yourself in this, you’re not alone. I swear this mentality seems to have been branded into everyone at birth, and we spend a lifetime unconsciously being victims until we realize it isn’t a good thing.
 
Leaders own their power. If something isn’t working in their outer world, they don’t give away their power, blame everyone else, and make excuses. Instead, they ask themselves, what is it about me, my way of thinking, my way of living right now, and my daily behavior that’s creating this situation? Leaders recognize this as their absolute personal responsibility. You can always tell a leader by his or her ability to say, “I’m creating this situation in my life, all the misery, the difficulty, but I choose to take responsibility for it.”
 
One of the things not to get caught up in is titles. You can lead without a title, but the problem is that society seems to have drilled into us that you have to be a prime minister, a CEO, a billionaire, a president to be a leader. Know that this isn’t true. We live in a different world, with the democratization of leadership, and it doesn’t matter where you live or what you do or what your past has been; you now have an opportunity to show leadership in your life, your work, your thinking, and your impact on the world.
 
You, whether you’re a janitor, a taxi driver, a business owner, a handyperson, you do have a choice. Either you can be a victim, or you can be a leader. What you don’t get to do is be both.
 
Not sure where you fall? Take a minute and ask yourself, where are you currently playing the victim in your life, and where are you being a leader? Once you figure out these areas, decide right away what steps you can take to assume bigger responsibility for your life.

COMING SOON

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Mental mastery #3 – Rigorous vs. superficial: Obsessive attention to detail

The best artists, entrepreneurs, chefs, and even cashiers and store clerks are not superficial people. Look at the best people in any field and you’ll see that when they do their work, they don’t do it quickly and lightly. When they study, they don’t just skim through a book. If you really look at these people, you’ll see that they set themselves apart from others even when building relationships. Friendships with them are very deep. Rigor, depth, commitment, obsession, devotion—all of this wins.
 
So in every single thing you do, whether building a relationship, starting your dream career, or exploring an idea, develop an acute attention to detail and go really, really deep. The reason you want to do this is that we live in a world where people work in mediocre ways to just get the job done, to just get by, to just survive, to just…you know. You can fill in the blanks. Be the special, unique person who has the discipline and insight to go deep and be thorough in everything you do in a day.
 
Take a minute and ask yourself, in what areas of your life do you show thorough and obsessive attention to detail and commitment and put your heart into everything you do? Then ask yourself, in what areas of your life are you not disciplined and only giving a superficial approach? These questions have been eye opening for me. I try to accomplish so many things that I end up doing many of them superficially. So where has this helped me? Instead of doing any and everything, I’ve shifted my focus to becoming exceptional in a few areas and passing off to others the tasks that take away from what I truly love to do.

Stay tuned for an upcoming blog post on "Facebook Jail," an issue that has been affecting myself and many of my fellow authors over the last several months.  Due to various changes at Facebook that penalize an author for posting instead of purchasing ads, unfortunately messages from fans are often hidden and many times are unable to be viewed.  Please know that I greatly value all communication from my fans, I would never intentionally ignore a message, and I am working hard to find the best ways to hear from you and to have you hear from me.  As always, thank you so much for your support and patience--I am truly grateful for all of you!  

COMING SOON

They share a son, but Katie and Steven have moved on with their lives, dating other people, and neither has seen the other in five long years. But when Steven comes knocking on Katie’s parents’ door after learning she’s back in town, Katie is forced to face her estranged husband and the love that broke her heart, and his intentions regarding their all-but-over marriage are soon made very clear.
 
The only problem is that as simple as it would be for them to walk away, seeing just what it means to move on and start a new life may not be as easy as they once thought.

You can pre-order your copy of IT WAS ALWAYS YOU at Nook, iBooks, Kobo and GooglePlay.

Through the end of the month, you can grab dozens of FREE romances from top authors in the BookFunnel May Contemporary Romance giveaway!  Click here to view participating titles including THE DEADLINE (The Friessens: A New Beginning, Book 1).  Download your free romance novels today--promotion ends May 31st!