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Living on an island, you become part of a smaller community of folks who look out for one another. Having a special needs child, you want that kind of community around you, the kind of community where you know he or she can learn much-needed skills for independence without fear of getting in trouble. Smaller communities are more forgiving at times, and in smaller communities you aren’t as invisible as you are in huge overrun cities.

My son has autism but has grown into a very happy young man, having come so far in his independence, as a few of you are aware. For him, it’s ten times harder to gain the skills needed to function in life, which come natural for all of us, but he does it with a smile on his face, always happy—even this past Sunday evening, when he made his first solo trip home on BC Ferries after visiting his father.

Not only did he have to pull out the correct card to pay for the ferry, as well as his ID, but he also had to get himself to the right ferry, into the waiting area while on board, and then off the ferry and onto a bus, where he paid the fare to ride into Ganges, where I was waiting to pick him up. He did all of it beautifully. He was proud of himself for nailing every one of those steps, and for him, this was a huge achievement. However, while he was in the city, he had to buy a pair of steel-toed shoes for the new job he’s starting. He was so proud of this purchase, which was a big milestone, and he carried the box of new shoes onto the ferry and sat in the waiting area. Everything was great until he had to go to the bathroom, and he left the box of shoes on the bench where he’d been sitting. When he came back, they were gone.

Now, if you’ve been on a smaller ferry, you know the waiting rooms aren’t overly crowded. There are two on each side of the small vessel, and an island community like ours doesn’t have the crime bigger cities do. What makes the theft disturbing is that someone was watching him, and that person took the time to hide what he’d done, according to one of the ferry employees, who reached out to me to let me know that they’d found an empty shoe box in the men’s washroom. What bothered the employee was the fact that the thief had taken the time to place the box inside the garbage can but underneath the garbage bag to better hide it. Of course, the employee remembered my son, who had mentioned as the ferry was docking that he’d lost his “new shoes” that day. While my son’s vocabulary is limited, the employee understood that he was upset.

Yes, it’s a loss, but I’ll go buy him another pair. The troubling fact is that someone would target a special needs person. Now, I’m sure everyone has heard the saying “It takes a village.” It really does, and at the same time, everyone knows someone with autism or another developmental disability, whether it’s a child, a grandchild, or a friend’s child. Being in a village, if you see someone stealing or taking advantage of the vulnerable, call that person out. That doesn’t mean chasing someone down and getting yourself hurt but rather giving a warning, like “Seriously, dude? Don’t be a dirt bag.” Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed to change one person, to make him put the shoes back and have that moment of realization, to ask himself, What did I almost do?

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Merkaba (Book 3)
Everyone thought he was dead and that's how he needs it to stay. But the secretive dark haired beauty could ultimately be his undoing. 

Bounty (Book 4)
Most cops have a past. A past they can speak of. A past they can share. But not Diane... 

Blown Away (Book 5)
Imagine that the man who's been the source of all your misery shows up on your doorstep. Imagine this man wants your forgiveness for every bad thing he's done to you and your friends. Would you believe him? 

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Are you playing the victim, or are you playing the leader?

It may surprise many of you that playing the victim comes naturally, and many of us do so every day without being aware, even when we understand how the victim mentality works. Playing the victim is often the first thing we do when we put our feet on the floor as we get out of bed in the morning, when we arrive at work and meet up with coworkers, or when we stop for coffee with a friend and vent or complain about something or someone, perhaps even a loved one.
 
Victims give away their power. They live in the past, always talking about the past. They talk about what isn’t working. They complain, they gossip, and they’re addicted to being busy. It isn’t until we become aware and catch ourselves slipping into this pattern that we can change it. And you can change it.
 
Think of it this way: Who do you want to be around, people who complain and gossip, are miserable, and never smile, or people who are excited and optimistic, who show up fully, lifting you just from the smiles and happiness that exude from them, from their confidence and self-esteem? I mean, how often in the last week have you met up for lunch or coffee with a family member, a friend, or a coworker only to hear that person complaining about her children or her husband, and even though you’re sitting at a table with her, she’s not really there? She’s stuck in her head, and you’re sitting in silence, and it’s not fun. Or maybe it was you who had a crappy day. Everything went to shit, and you spent the entire afternoon putting out one fire after another, and you’re the one reliving it over and over, whether thinking or talking about it.
 
But then there are those who are optimistic, fully engaged, fully present, and those people are leaders. Being a leader has nothing to do with your title or your job; it’s about showing up fully. Leaders are optimistic. They leave people better than they found them. Leaders come from all walks of life: They’re clerks at the deli counter, or they’re cleaning ladies, or they’re stay-at-home moms. It doesn’t matter what you do, because leaders are the ones who are excited every day from the moment they get out of bed, truly loving what they do.
 
Be proud of your work. Be proud of what you do.
 
You can make a difference even if you don’t have an impressive title, because the most important thing is to be proud of what you do. No matter what you do, do it with all your heart and nothing can stop you.

​

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It's never too late to install good habits.

Did you know that all successful people have one thing in common? This is that they’ve nailed down their habits and routines. Success isn’t about genetics, background, social status, where you’re from, who your parents are, how much money you do or don’t have, or the breaks you were or weren’t given while growing up. Seriously, that all has nothing to do with being a truly successful person.
 
Installing good habits begins with you, and there is in fact a science behind the process. It’s called the 66-day protocol, as it takes 66 days of learning a new skill, doing it, breathing it in, and repeating it until it becomes a habit. This is why a lot of people never get off the ground or gain traction with a new idea or skill, instead continuing to slip back to the ordinary and just getting by, because they give up, throw their hands up, and say it’s too hard. Remember, every change you make for the better is hard in the beginning and truly messy in the middle, but once you get through it and come out the other side, change is absolutely beautiful.
 
The problem with starting something new, learning a new skill, and creating a routine or habit is that most people give up and don’t stick with it long enough. They quit as soon as it’s too difficult or chaotic, confusing and messy. Your mind will say to you over and over to just give up, go watch TV, take a nap, go back to that dead-end job, but all change is hard at first. Write that down, and post it everywhere (hard, messy, beautiful), but at the same time, tell yourself to keep right on going, because that’s how you get to your A game.
 
The first step is like destruction because you’re wiring in a new pattern. Learning this was eye opening for me, because it’s something that’s actually implemented for autistic children in early intervention. I never stopped to think of how the team of specialists I hired for my son were actually doing this for him, this pattern of teaching him a new skill and thus rewiring his brain. It’s seems so simple now, as I think about it, and I’ve since asked myself, “So why didn’t I understand that this same approach is what we all need?” Step one is like ground zero of the 66 days of installing a new pattern in yourself. Yup, let’s be clear: The beginning is truly difficult, and any change is hard, messy, and confusing, but push through it, because once you get to that 66-day point, the change has now become instinct, second nature, imprinted in you.
 
Change has been explained to me as recoding our neural pathways and emotional architecture and in fact reinventing ourselves. The whole process can feel like death, some have said, but it is a series of little deaths of the old parts of you that were filled with limitations, judgements, negativity, and procrastination. You are destroying your past self, and in this change, you may be filled with confusion and chaos and messiness. While we’re often taught that there’s something wrong with this kind of chaos, that’s not true, because out of the confusion you are growing and change is happening. After 66 days, you suddenly have a better awareness, and you can then make better choices, which of course results in you suddenly seeing better results. This is instead of the old way of giving up at, say, day 20 because your negative self-talk has kicked in and overridden your grit and resolve.
 
Think of it this way: You’re renovating a house, tearing down that old, rotted, unstable foundation. The place is a mess, chaotic and you become cranky. You have debris everywhere, stuff shoved in corners, and you’re having to climb over furniture, boxes. The noise seems to go on forever. But after your house is done, that last coat of paint is on, and the last cupboard is installed, it’s gorgeous, and you’ve forgotten about the inconvenience and hardship and how you often wanted to yank your hair out, because now you have that beautiful kitchen, that spa-like bathroom, that open home you’ve dreamed of, and every inconvenience was worth it. Installing a new habit is exactly the same. After 66 days, you’ve rewired your emotions, your neural pathways, and installed a brand new habit that’s now automatic and second nature.
 
The true secret of being iconic, legendary, an A-game player, is not willpower. It’s the installation of the right habits. Only during the first 66 days do you have to use willpower. After that, you’re done, and you can take that willpower and use it to install your next routine, and so on. Truly successful people have installed so many habits over and over to take them to that level of greatness, and they continue to install new habits.
 
So decide which habits and skills you want to wire in, and start working on them right away.

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Did you know that our brains are literally hardwired to see the negative?

It’s natural for our brains to focus on the threats in our environments, or rather the perceived threats, and it happens from our first waking moment of each day. We immediately go to that place of thinking about what’s not working in our lives, everything that’s gone to shit, instead of all the great things we have and that are working for us.

Seeing the negative is something that shapes our days, our lives. I had never thought much about it until my eldest son, who has autism, joined an outdoor wilderness program after I had to pull him from the public school system, in which things had become unworkable. I was angry about having to constantly battle an archaic mindset of bureaucracy that was unwilling to work with my son’s much needed autism consultant and trained professionals. That was the final straw. We were done.

Instead of instantly recognizing the valuable skills being taught in the parent-driven outdoor program, I was stuck on the question of why I couldn’t get the school district to recognize my son’s right to an education. But then something magical started to happen during those two years he was in the outdoor school, which focused on integrating children with the environment and teaching skills you’d never, ever see in the public school system. One of the most valuable activities has stuck with me from the moment I saw the kids sitting in a circle around the campfire: To begin their day, each child had to say one thing he or she was grateful for, and at the end of the day, they again came into a closing circle, where the kids once more had to recount their day and say one thing that had happened that they were grateful for.

One of the mentors told us parents the importance of gratitude, saying that once you engage that part of the brain, it doesn’t allow room for negativity, intolerance of others, and bullying. What a concept! But it’s more than that. Daily gratitude is in fact the antidote to fear.

All of us fall into another pattern when we have something new, when we experience that big WOW of something amazing happening in our lives—from that new relationship where you’ve finally met Mr. or Ms. Right, to that new car you’ve always wanted, to that new home you finally have. For a while, you’re excited and happy and grateful, and you’re over the moon with joy until it becomes your new normal. Then you go right back to focusing on the negative: what’s not working, who you’re angry at because of some perceived threat, and how crappy everything is in your life. Once again, you’re fighting the natural inclination that drives you away from gratitude in a cycle that’s destructive to you!

But did you know it’s also possible to retrain your brain to focus on what’s totally fantastic in your life as opposed to what’s not working? It’s as simple as starting your day. As soon as you get up in the morning, with a pen and paper, write out a list of things you’re grateful for, whether it’s that amazing deep dark roast coffee you’re drinking, or having shoes to wear on your feet, or the fact that you can actually get out of bed in the morning and walk without your hip or some part of your body giving you grief.

Now, the reason for a pen and paper is that writing is more effective than simply listing things mentally. It keeps your head, your focus, from drifting. When someone suggested I use a pen and paper for this activity, the difference was phenomenal, because as I held that pen and that paper and scribbled the words in my chicken scratch, my focus was on the tactile, on writing the words. My brain couldn’t go anywhere else.

Make it a practice every day, because by doing that you’re in fact retraining your brain away from bad news, drama, and destruction and letting it start spotting the magic, the extraordinary. You start seeing everything that’s great in your life versus everything that’s not working and all the problems you have. Something amazing starts to happen when you clean up the clutter of negativity. If you think about it, it’s similar to cleaning your glasses when the lenses are covered in grime and spots that have hampered your vision for so long. You suddenly start to see magic in those otherwise ordinary days—from a brilliant sunrise, to optimism in others. By training your brain to focus on the good things, on the wins, you open up a world of possibilities and start to break that cycle of negativity that every one of us was born with.

Due to unforeseen obstacles, IN THE CHARM is now set to release next Friday, APRIL 6!  The countdown is on!  Plus, for everyone who pre-orders and purchases the first week, you will get IN THE CHARM for $2.99 instead of the regular price of $3.99.  (Please note that if you've already pre-ordered your copy, you will receive it for the $2.99 sale price on release day.)

JD is the daughter of a South Dakota small-town sheriff, teased by locals that if she were ever to consider marrying, she’d have a line of suitors around the block. But she’s not interested, as the only man she’s ever loved up and left, and her father was behind it. When she drives up on her father and his deputy toying with the extremely attractive redheaded Chris Friessen, she can’t resist tossing him an invitation to dinner, and she never expects that he’ll take her up on it.

Now, Chris may find that the irresistible JD comes with a lot more than he’s bargained for.

You can pre-order your copy of IN THE CHARM at the sale price of $2.99 today from ​Nook, iBooks, GooglePlay and Kobo.  AMAZON  READERS!  There is no pre-order but watch your INBOX April 6 for the AMAZON RELEASE DAY LINK, at the 2.99 RELEASE WEEK SALE PRICE!  Click here to read the first two chapters of IN THE CHARM! ​