Be intentional about every word that comes out of your mouth.

Two people can have the very same intention when they talk to someone, but the listener can receive their words in two very different ways. Have you ever opened your mouth to speak, meaning for your words to be taken one way, only to see the impact the moment they were taken completely wrong? I’ve done it. The moment the words left my mouth, I saw their effect, and I realized the person I was speaking with had totally taken them the wrong way, not how I’d intended.
 
Some of you may be able to think of many of those times, or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of that same complete and total disconnect with someone in your life—whether it was something said in person or even a rushed email you typed and sent off without taking a moment to consider how it would be received. It happens a lot in relationships: Guys do it, women do, we all do it, and then we find ourselves trying to backtrack and say that wasn’t what we meant to say. Then we’re suddenly stuck in that total disconnect again. I’ve been there and done all of that, saying things I wish I could go back and unsay.
 
When you speak, and that includes emails, are you aware of how your words are being delivered? This comes down to understanding how you speak to people—your family, friends, kids, and coworkers. What I mean by that is that you need to ask yourself, are you speaking to be heard, to be accepted, or to be agreed with? Then there’s speaking with clarity to inspire new thought, to inspire others to figure out what is important to them. Remember, many don’t realize that speaking is not only the words that come out of your mouth but also your body language, that energy that comes off you even when you’re standing in the grocery store in front of the clerk ringing up your groceries. Maybe you’re irritated and distracted because of a long day, a long lineup, and you have a long list of everything you still need to do. The clerk is hearing all of that without you having said one word.
 
It’s a big thing, understanding how you’re using your voice even without speaking and knowing how it’s landing with others. From there, you can get a clear understanding of the influence you want to have on everyone around you. Get clear on what you want to eliminate or bring to the world to make it okay. No matter how small or big you believe your impact is, everyone impacts everyone, so find your own rhythm, because you are like no one else, and no one else has your voice or can say things the way you do. Figure out, when you speak, every time you open your mouth, what is it that you want to communicate and inspire in people with your words? What is your niche? If you’re saying, “I don’t know right about now,” just know that everyone has one, which is what makes us all unique.

COMING SOON

Be sure to catch The McCabe Brothers series, now available in paperback!  DON'T STOP ME, DON'T CATCH ME, DON'T RUN FROM ME, DON'T HIDE FROM ME and DON'T LEAVE ME.

Do you know what is important to you?

You may be surprised to learn that many have never found their voice. If you take a minute, a day, and really listen to how you talk to your kids, your peers, your spouse, and your coworkers, you may be surprised at the words that come out of your mouth. Some of you may catch yourselves saying the same things your parents said, things you promised yourself you would never say, because you knew how it felt to be on the receiving end, yet now you are saying those very same things to your own children, or a friend, or a loved one.

You may catch yourself repeating the words of someone who has had a direct impact on you, even when those words may not be words you truly believe in. You may be surprised to know that communicating, really communicating, is one of the most difficult things for a lot of people to do, especially as most of us have never been taught how.

Essentially, we all want to be connected to people, and in being connected to others, we need to find our voice, our own unique voice, which every one of us truly does have. You may have been afraid to speak or may have found yourself standing in the shadows because you haven’t figured out what your convictions are, or you may be timid, never saying what you need to say. I was one of those people, afraid to say anything, never knowing the right thing to say. You start to bottle it up and take your tension home, where you think of how you should have said something—or maybe how you shouldn’t have said something, because when you did speak, it came out like a train wreck, and the person you said it to was left reeling.

For those who find it easy to speak, you also don’t want to be the person who says everything and takes someone else’s light away. We’ve all met that person who’s like a bull crashing into a china shop, that person who leaves us feeling a little mangled and stomped on. Even though it’s important to find your own voice, we’re all responsible for what comes out of our mouths. Ask yourself this: What do you want people to think and feel and do? I think all of us, to some degree, want to inspire others to feel good, but as leaders, every one of us has to take responsibility for what we say, what comes out of our mouths. Instead of crushing people, inspire them. Lift them up with your words, but lift them up with words that are your words and that mean something to you. At the same time, listen to how others respond. Don’t just sit back and wait for them to shut up so you can finish what you wanted to say. Communicating is also about listening to what the other person is saying, about listening with all of yourself.

We’ve all said something that we know crushed someone and then wished we could go back and unsay it. You have to balance it out and create an experience for people that has them feeling good, wanting to soar and prosper and do amazing things. When you look at the power of your own voice, it may surprise you to learn that you don’t have to be a world leader to say something that could open up possibilities or hope to an elderly man, or a young child, or a teenager who is struggling.

Words can be powerful enough to give vision back to someone, but at the same time, when you get in your arrogance and ego and start feeling that crappy mood take hold, and we all get there, you must recognize in that moment that if you snap, you may say something that could take someone’s light away. All of us have to take responsibility for our words, how we listen, how we speak, and what we say to people, but before you can do that, you have to be true to yourself and understand what your passions are and what your words are.

You have the power to provide hope and clarity to the most confused and power to those who are so weak, but what you say to someone can also completely crumble that person, destroy them, and cause irreparable harm. Remember, people may not remember what you say or who you are, but they will remember how you made them feel. You will either lift someone up or crush them. You need to be responsible for your voice and what you say, at the same time understanding every time you open your mouth and speak that you have the power to take someone’s light away.

Don't miss The McCabe Brothers, a spinoff of my big family romance series, The Friessens!  Meet Vic, Chase, Aaron, Luc and Claudia in this five-book series, now sold at all eRetailers, and available in eBook and paperback. 

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Don't let criticism in! 

We’ve all experienced criticism, comments that cause us to think less of ourselves instead of loving who we are. The sick feeling of criticism can come from someone else or from within you, sucking you from that happy place where we should all be to a place that just doesn’t feel good. Some of you may even be stuck in personal relationships that thrive on criticism. We’ve lived through it, grown up with it, and, weirdly enough, some of us are still living with it, often unknowingly.

We live in a society that seems to run on criticizing. It’s everywhere—in our schools, workplaces, homes. I bet you’ve even caught yourself criticizing yourself or those you love at times, whether to their faces or behind their backs. What’s worse is those everyday harsh comments people direct your way, things like “You shouldn’t have cut your hair,” “The work you’ve done isn’t your best,” “That skirt isn’t flattering,” or “Geez, you’ve really put on a lot of weight.”

When someone says something critical to you, don’t let it in, don’t feed it, and don’t stoop to dishing it back, either. What you want to say is something like “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that. Can you repeat it?” Few people will. Try it! However, some people will double down and say something like “What I meant to say is I really don’t like that haircut. Your other one worked better,” or they might even elaborate on their criticism in more detail. If they do, just say, “Oh, it sounds like you’re trying to make me feel bad.” That alone can be enough to make people catch themselves and check their mouths before saying something to hurt you further.

The odd thing is that people who criticize, in a weird, twisted way, think they’re trying to help you. I’ve done it, and I think back and ask myself, Why would I say that? Even if someone were to come at you and say, “Hey, I hate you, and yeah, I really want you to feel terrible” (which I hope someone wouldn’t do, but personal relationships can bring the nasty out in people), you need to tell that person, “I’m not going to let that in. You can think what you want about me, but I’m not going to let that in.” Tell him or her, “It’s really sad. In being a critical person, you’re just showing me and everyone that you’re unhappy and dissatisfied with yourself.” Don’t be mean or sarcastic or even say, “How dare you!” When you do that, stoop to that, you’re letting the criticism in.

Having an autistic child and being a writer, I have often experienced criticism. In the early days when my child was diagnosed, I often had teachers, professionals, and other parents criticizing everything, and their criticisms were never the same. Some didn’t agree with early intervention, some said I had used the wrong method, and some said my being an advocate offended them. As a writer, too, I found those first critical reviews devastating. I had to develop a thick skin. I now have a lot of books up and a ton of reviews, many fantastic awesome ones that make my day and put a smile on my face, but there are those horrible mean ones that still linger, along with people in my community who don’t get what a parent of a child with autism goes through. But my life experiences have taught me and made me realize that I wouldn’t want to be those people sitting at home, writing or saying mean stuff. So I choose not to let it in. At one time, I did, and it was devastating, but I do not anymore.

It really is a work in progress, lifting your own awareness and not being critical, not letting criticism in.

The wait is over--DON'T LEAVE ME (The McCabe Brothers, Book 5) is again available at all online vendors! 

"Another winner...each book has the feel of a family saga, with suspense, surprises, challenges for the likable characters, and never ending love and passion." ★★★★★ Susan1, Kindle Customer 

You can find Claudia's story at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo and GooglePlay.

And coming next week, your free follow-up short story to DON'T LEAVE ME!  Stay tuned!

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Be sure to grab THE PROMISE (The Friessens, Book 3), on sale for 99cents through tomorrow only! 

Don't miss out!  Follow Jed and Diana in THE PROMISE, on sale at Amazon, Nook, iBooks, Kobo, GooglePlay and Smashwords through March 3rd.

AMAZON READERS:  Already read THE PROMISE?  If so and you wouldn't mind leaving an honest review online here, I'd truly appreciate it!  Every review counts, no matter the length, and helps me continue to do what I love--create engaging stories for my fans!  Thank you so much for considering and for your ongoing support--I am ever so grateful! 

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