Creating a safe space when you’re talking with family and friends is so important, and it’s as simple as saying, “There is no judgement. Can we all agree? No judgement of me, no judgement of yourself.” If you look back, has there been a time in your life, today, yesterday, where you’ve found yourself judging yourself? We are our own worst critics, and many of the blocks we have, we’ve placed there ourselves. Added to that, we often find ourselves quick to judge others for something we perceive they’ve done when the fact is that we have no idea what’s going on with anyone at any time.
I remember a story Eric Edmeades shared, one that has stuck with me as a mother. He was on a city train with numerous other passengers. It was busy, and he was sitting there taking in a scene of two young children who were unruly, jumping, misbehaving, and annoying the other passengers. He could see everyone becoming frustrated through the way they stiffened and cast an annoyed glance to the father, who was sitting there, quiet and oblivious, not seeing any of it. It seemed as if he was ignoring his kids, who had already become an annoyance to the other passengers.
Now, instead of becoming irritated and saying nothing, as the other passengers did, Eric believes in the saying “It takes a village,” so he leaned forward to the father and said, “Hey, excuse me. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but your children are a little out of control, and they’re annoying a few of the passengers. Is there something I can help with?”
The father looked up, startled. He appeared to be pulling himself together as he glanced around at the other passengers glaring his way, then back over to his kids. He said, “Oh, I’m so sorry. We just came from the hospital. My wife, their mother, died this morning.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I heard that story, my stomach bottomed out. Point made. We never know at any time what’s going on with anyone else. We’re quick to judge, criticize, and assume a lot when if we only knew the truth of what others were going through, we would react far differently.
Back on that train, as Eric heard the man, so did the other passengers. Of course, it touched everyone, and it changed the energy from condemnation and frustration to empathy and understanding. What a difference that makes.
Remind yourself, and this is also a reminder to me, let’s not be too quick to judge. Empathy really goes a long ways, and that very negative emotion that was bred in most of us as children, judgement, isn’t it time to let it go?
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