This weeks Monday Blog is one I wrote back in 2018 about the poison of FEAR. Especially right now if you allow it, someone’s else’s fear can have a catastrophic effect on you and your family. It is so important to surround yourself with people who are where you are, and not living in FEAR.
The victim versus leader mentality seems to be the biggest obstacle for all of us. Last week’s blog, where I introduced this idea, was actually written a few weeks ago, but when my assistant had it ready for publishing and sent it to me, I took some time to reread it. Then I had to read it once again, as I had an a-ha moment and said a very poetic “Hmm,” realizing that post said everything about my weekend and how the victim mentality had nearly taken down my entire team. If you are wondering what team, where and how? Those details aren’t really important, but the effect on all of us from a few stuck in that victim mentality was a rude awakening that we weren’t as bullet proof as we thought. I had to take a step back, and it had taken me several days to regroup and get my head screwed back on straight, fighting the urge to get caught up in finger pointing, blame, and generally just feeling crappy.
One of the challenges is that the victim mentality is embedded into us as children, and until you start to recognize what you’re doing, what you’re saying to others, lashing out and criticizing, you don’t realize that you’re playing the victim. As I spent some time writing and reflecting this past week, I was reminded of a time six years back, when I was part of a group being trained by one of the best mountain bikers around. As we trained and worked and he pushed us to try harder and steeper, something happened: fear!
It hit one person and then another, and they started freaking out. The words “I can’t,” “I won’t” came out of their mouths, and the pitch of their voices showed that they teetered on panic. Our trainer said something to all of us in that moment that has stuck with me to this day: That kind of fear can go through everyone and take everyone out. And it did. I know it hit me, and I had to get off my bike along with several others and walk the rest of the way down. I couldn’t even do something as basic as a small hill or a corner that I had easily done before. I will never forget how the fear of others hit me. Worse, where I once had trained with confidence, I was struggling with doubt.
What I’m saying is that as tight as your group, your team, or even your family can be, when you’re growing and training, it’s important to not take in the lower energy around you or bring in people who aren’t ready for what you’re doing—because if those people put the brakes on, if they’re stuck in that victim mentality of the blame game, where things are too hard, too fast, where they can’t keep up and they have to slow down, then they aren’t of the same mindset as you and your group. That mentality is a poison that can take everyone down.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t be encouraging those people or lavishing praise on them for getting out there and trying, but use wisdom, because in tight-knit teams that are training at a different level, those one or two or three still stuck in the victim mentality can take down an entire team and divide people, having them lashing out at one another over things they were easily doing in training. That’s why there are beginner, intermediate, and advanced levels, and that’s why as you grow and train and work your butt off, you surround yourself with people who are where you are, who are going where you’re going, who’ve kicked those negative words out of their vocabulary.
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