Do you know what is important to you?

You may be surprised to learn that many have never found their voice. If you take a minute, a day, and really listen to how you talk to your kids, your peers, your spouse, and your coworkers, you may be surprised at the words that come out of your mouth. Some of you may catch yourselves saying the same things your parents said, things you promised yourself you would never say, because you knew how it felt to be on the receiving end, yet now you are saying those very same things to your own children, or a friend, or a loved one.

You may catch yourself repeating the words of someone who has had a direct impact on you, even when those words may not be words you truly believe in. You may be surprised to know that communicating, really communicating, is one of the most difficult things for a lot of people to do, especially as most of us have never been taught how.

Essentially, we all want to be connected to people, and in being connected to others, we need to find our voice, our own unique voice, which every one of us truly does have. You may have been afraid to speak or may have found yourself standing in the shadows because you haven’t figured out what your convictions are, or you may be timid, never saying what you need to say. I was one of those people, afraid to say anything, never knowing the right thing to say. You start to bottle it up and take your tension home, where you think of how you should have said something—or maybe how you shouldn’t have said something, because when you did speak, it came out like a train wreck, and the person you said it to was left reeling.

For those who find it easy to speak, you also don’t want to be the person who says everything and takes someone else’s light away. We’ve all met that person who’s like a bull crashing into a china shop, that person who leaves us feeling a little mangled and stomped on. Even though it’s important to find your own voice, we’re all responsible for what comes out of our mouths. Ask yourself this: What do you want people to think and feel and do? I think all of us, to some degree, want to inspire others to feel good, but as leaders, every one of us has to take responsibility for what we say, what comes out of our mouths. Instead of crushing people, inspire them. Lift them up with your words, but lift them up with words that are your words and that mean something to you. At the same time, listen to how others respond. Don’t just sit back and wait for them to shut up so you can finish what you wanted to say. Communicating is also about listening to what the other person is saying, about listening with all of yourself.

We’ve all said something that we know crushed someone and then wished we could go back and unsay it. You have to balance it out and create an experience for people that has them feeling good, wanting to soar and prosper and do amazing things. When you look at the power of your own voice, it may surprise you to learn that you don’t have to be a world leader to say something that could open up possibilities or hope to an elderly man, or a young child, or a teenager who is struggling.

Words can be powerful enough to give vision back to someone, but at the same time, when you get in your arrogance and ego and start feeling that crappy mood take hold, and we all get there, you must recognize in that moment that if you snap, you may say something that could take someone’s light away. All of us have to take responsibility for our words, how we listen, how we speak, and what we say to people, but before you can do that, you have to be true to yourself and understand what your passions are and what your words are.

You have the power to provide hope and clarity to the most confused and power to those who are so weak, but what you say to someone can also completely crumble that person, destroy them, and cause irreparable harm. Remember, people may not remember what you say or who you are, but they will remember how you made them feel. You will either lift someone up or crush them. You need to be responsible for your voice and what you say, at the same time understanding every time you open your mouth and speak that you have the power to take someone’s light away.